Week 29 - Best Christmas Gift Ever

Season's Greetings from Panama City!

In just three short days, we reach the Week 29 milestone, and by all reports, my little peanut will make her debut in 9-10 weeks! It's been an emotional and draining couple of days here in Panama City, but everything with the pregnancy continues to go well!

During my visit, I had the opportunity to meet with my OBGYN, IVF doctor, and Surrogate, Margarita. I also met with a nurse from the Family Cord Blood Clinic to discuss my options for preserving the cord blood and/or stem cells. In addition, I had an appointment at the Canadian Embassy with the Consular and one of her staff...

Fortunately, the Canadian Embassy is literally right across the street from the hospital on the 11th floor of a large business tower. When I arrived at my appointment, I had to pass through a security station and metal detector. The station was manned by an armed guard, whom I had to gently nudge several times to wake him from his siesta at 8:30am!!!

I had just passed through screening and entered the embassy when the guard came in behind me to inspect and remove my personal belongings (I guess he was too sleepy to notice the backpack and bag of wrapped Christmas gifts I was carrying when I entered, neither of which were permitted beyond security)!!! So, out we go through security where he takes my cell phones, camera and other personal items. He didn't speak a word of English, so I just had to trust him. After collecting my passport and wallet, I was led to a small conference room where I finally met with the consular and her staff. 

The team at the Embassy were relatively friendly, but somewhat reserved. I guess I was expecting a warmer welcome being amongst fellow Canadians so far from home, especially during the holidays. At times, I felt very alone and also like I knew more about the Canadian DNA testing and immigration procedures than they did. It is very complicated, but simply process that we must adhere to when the baby is born. And it is the most critical step in securing the baby's passport, which will ultimately allow us to leave Panama and return to the USA. Without these documents, we simply can't leave the country, so you can appreciate the anxiety associated with all of this.

Throughout the meeting I maintained my patience and composure which is great practice for the future. This entire journey has taught me great patience, which I believe will help make me an even better parent. But I can assure you that meeting with the Embassy wasn't easy. Canada has very strict laws pertaining to surrogacy and for a few brief minutes I felt like I was being judged, rather than supported by my own country. That might just be my emotions getting the most of me, but my doctors later commented that the US Embassy is much more open to supporting its citizens and the hospital in such cases (GO FIGURE)!

Once the baby is born, the Consular team will attend and witness DNA testing of the baby and I to validate paternity. Once the test has been administered at the hospital, it will be shipped to a lab in Canada for processing and validation. The testing process is complex and must be followed exactly as described to ensure validity and non-tampering. If any part of the test in not completed properly, the results will be deemed inconclusive and we'll be back to the drawing board. The tests are expensive as are the FedEx shipping charges to Canada (nearly $1K combined), so I hope and pray we get it right the first time. Once the results are validated by the lab in Canada (within 5 business days), the Embassy and CIC (Citizenship and Immigration Canada) will be notified. This will trigger the next step in completing citizenship and obtaining the baby's passport. If all goes smoothly, the entire process should take anywhere from 4-5 weeks. Again, we can't leave Panama until all documents are approved and in my hands. Feel free to say a prayer for us when the time comes!

Following my meeting at the embassy, I made my way across the street to the hospital for my meeting with my doctors and Margarita scheduled for 10am. I was a nervous mess, dripping with perspiration from head to toe. I don't know if it was nerves, or the 35 degree temperature and 100% humidity, but I was drenched. The hospital itself, is a beautiful, modern and very clean facility. Many of the staff did not speak English, but fortunately, all of my doctors do, as one is American and the other was educated in California.

The clinic is located on the 6th floor. After a quick trip to the men's room to clean up and cool down, I was on my way with my tummy in a rapid flutter. When I arrived at reception and announced that I was there to see my doctor, Sindy and Dr. Vega, the team behind the desk looked confused. Finally one of the nurses announced: "No, Sénior....Dr. Vega tiene una emergencia"! My Spanish isn't good, but I knew this was a bad sign. My heart sank. It's amazing how panic and nervous thoughts quickly settle in. Here I had flown over 5,000 miles and my doctors weren't available, and no one could really explain what was happening, or if and when I would be seen. Surely this was all just a bad dream. Finally, one of the nurses led me to the waiting area, where she gestured for me to sit, and in broken English said "coffee"? I declined the coffee and sat patiently for 50 minutes and watched Nemo and Dory "just keep swimming" in the reception fish tank. During that time, several pregnant women entered and left the waiting room...one in particular caught my eye.

Eventually one of the nurses came out with a mobile phone announcing Sindy wanted to speak with me. Sindy explained that Dr. Vega had an emergency delivery and things would be delayed until noon. She instructed the nurses to inform me, but I guess the message was lost in translation. Sindy was actually on Christmas vacation but had planned to come into the clinic for my appointment and explained she would see me later. In any event, I was instructed to go meet with the Family Cord Blood clinic on the 1st floor and return to Dr. Vega's office at 12pm for my meeting with Sindy, Dr. Vega and Margarita.  

The meeting with Family Cord Blood clinic was informative but uneventful. We simply discussed the process, storage options, fees and contract terms. Next steps is to obtain a soft copy of the English contract and make a go/no-go decision. I've learned a ton about Cord Blood and Cord Tissue Stem Cell cryropreservation, but have yet to make a final decision on next steps. At this stage, I am learning towards saving the Cord Blood, but have another 9-10 weeks to make a decision. The meeting was short, but only because I had all the information I needed. It was now only 11:15am and with another 45 minutes to kill, I decided to go across the street to the MulitPlaza Mall. WOW is all I can say! If you're an avid shopper and ever come to Panama City, it is a must see, but don't forget your Visa as the shops start with Cartier, Louis Vuitton and the list goes on from there. "Rags to Riches" is the best way to describe Panama City. One minute people are pulling up to the shopping mall valet in their BMWs or Mercedes SUVs, while just 3 blocks away there is a small shanty town where people simply tell you "stay away from that area". I've never seen such disparity. Really makes me appreciate and be thankful for all I have in life.

I arrived back at the clinic promptly at 11:55am (if you know me, you know I am NEVER late) and sat patiently waiting for everyone to arrive. The waiting room was empty except for the same pregnant lady who had been sitting there since just a few minutes after 10am. My mind was racing...could this be Margarita? Remember, up until this time, I've only seen my egg donor, but never images of my surrogate...just a description that included her ethnicity, age, height, weight, and other confidential information, etc.. This beautiful woman sitting next to me fit the description perfectly, including the size of her beautiful 28 week belly. I was instantly overcome with emotion, but what could/should I do? There had yet to be a formal introduction and I knew she didn't speak English, but how could I be 100% certain it was her? My instinct told me it was Margarita and it turns out I was right! She was reluctant to make eye contact with me but I just sat there in a daze, starring at her and the amazing miracle inside of her. I'm sure she was nervous and I was afraid my stares might make her feel uncomfortable as I unsuccessfully fought back tears. Suddenly everything seemed so real and within reach. 

Eventually I had to get up and go to the men's room...time to pull myself together. When I came back 10 minutes later, Margarita was still there and gestured a smile at me. I believe she knew who I was. Another hour passed and more couples came and left, but I was still transfixed on this amazing women sitting so close to me, yet so far away for the past 7 months. At 1pm I asked the nurse for an update. She simply replied "soon". Once again, Margarita and I were alone. I was building the courage to try and communicate with her, but was this outside of protocol? Of course it wasn't, but I struggled over what to do. Eventually, we both sighed for the hundredth time and I simply looked at her, tapped my watch and said "I'm sorry you've had to wait so long". She smiled again and simply said "Gracias". And while she couldn't understand me, I asked her through English and hand gestures if she was hungry, to which she responded "Si". I know this seems trivial, but we were breaking the ice and I was beginning to feel more at ease with her...and hoped she felt the same. I offered to get her something to eat, but unfortunately translation ended there.

Another hour came and went. It is now 2pm and after 4 hours of waiting, Sindy finally arrived as did Dr. Vega. Sindy and I left the waiting room and went to her office where she apologized for the delay. We discussed some personal business, the outcome of my meeting with the Embassy, next steps with respect to the c-section/delivery, post-natal care and finally the process/protocol for today's appointment. She also confirmed my earlier suspicions...the woman sitting next to me for the past few hours was indeed my surrogate, Margarita!

Physically, Margarita was exactly as I expected. She is 34 years old, Panamanian, with long brown hair that she wore in a ponytail. She stands approximately 5'7" and weighs approximately 130 lbs. She is very petite, with light olive skin and beautiful brown features. Her skin was glowing and untouched by make-up or cosmetics of any kind. Her belly wasn't huge but appeared perfectly round supported in her lap with her hands. She appeared very calm, gentle and relaxed.

After a short meeting with Sindy, she led me into Dr. Vega's office where we chatted for a few minutes. Adjacent to Dr. Vega's office was the exam room where Margarita had been taken by one of the nurses. Dr. Vega eventually emerged from the exam room into his office where Sindy conducted formal introductions. Dr. Vega was very professional, caring and welcoming. His English was excellent and he took the time to ask how I was doing and if I was enjoying my first trip to Panama. He explained that both Margarita and the baby are doing fine and then asked if I wanted to meet my little girl? YES!!! I was shaking!

Dr. Vega and Sindy led me into the exam room. It was dark, but very sterile and full of the most modern medical technology I'd ever seen. Margarita was calmly lying on the exam table with her belly exposed and the nurse by her side. Sindy translated and did formal introductions. Margarita smiled as I thanked her repeatedly for all she was doing. I can only imagine how awkward it might have been for her, lying there on the table while Sindy, Dr. Vega and I conversed in English. Both Dr. Vega and Sindy were excellent translating back and forth as Dr. Vega explained the results of the 4D ultrasound. After the nurse prepped Margarita's belly with jelly, we were ready to proceed. Magical is all I can say to describe the feeling in the room. Dr. Vega was very thorough explaining the details of exactly what we was doing in terms of measurements, tests and reading the results. He also took the time to chart every result for me so we could compare the baby against the normal scale. Net result, the baby is perfectly normal and at 28 weeks she now weighs 2lbs 8oz.

Dr. Vega announced it was now time to listen to her heart. Without a doubt, this was the most beautiful and amazing moment of my life. I listened intently while starring at Margarita and her reassuring smile. As tears filled my eyes, she grabbed my hand and placed it on her belly. She said "bebé patea", I had no clue what this meant, but I didn't need too...at that moment I felt the most rambunctious series of kicks ever. As the tears streamed down my face, the only thing I could do was squeeze her hand and repeat "Gracias". I know I was able to convey just how thankful I was. I was very touched by the comfort and support of everyone in the room.

When the exam was over, we all went back to Dr. Vega's office where I handed out Christmas gifts to Sindy, Dr. Vega and Margarita. Everyone seemed very appreciative of the gesture and thanked me. Margarita spoke to Sindy, who turned to me and said, "Margarita asked if it would be okay if she gave you a hug"? I stood there in shock, but so very touched and simply repeated, "yes, yes, yes"! Margarita gave me the greatest and most comforting hug ever. After a gentle kiss on the cheek and another thank you, we were all on our way. I hated to leave, but felt great comfort in the fact that for the first time in 7 months, I had the physical contact I needed with everyone here in Panama and the reassurance that my little girl is getting the best care ever.

I'm missing home, but feeling truly blessed. As always, thanks to everyone for your love, encouragement and support.

Feliz Navidad,
Rob xo 

PS - Here she is. I'm convinced she's puckering up for a kiss!!!

Week 25 - Baby Face

This past Wednesday marked Week 25 of my epic journey to parenthood, and for the very first time, I caught a glimpse of my beautiful daughter's face. While still very tiny, you can see in the photo below, some of her features as well as a tiny hand and fingers that I can hardly wait to hold! In the past 4 weeks, my little peanut has nearly doubled in size and now measures just over 11 inches long and weighs approximately 1.25 pounds. Our next ultrasound is scheduled for December 20th, which I am particularly excited for, as I'll be there in person to meet with my doctors and Margartia (my surrogate). This will be my first trip to Panama since this incredible journey began nearly one year ago.

While I'm anxious for her birth, the weeks now seem to be flying by and I'm keeping busy checking tasks off my list in preparation for her arrival. I was very fortunate to have my parents visit for 2 weeks last month, and during their stay, they were of tremendous assistance in helping me prepare for the baby's arrival. While they were here, we put the final touches on the nursery, including hanging the window treatments and shelving. It was nice to be able to share some of the preparation with them, as up until now, they've had to experience all of this from home on Prince Edward Island. I think being here and seeing things firsthand made everything "official" and they seem quite excited about the arrival of their 2nd granddaughter. Their plan is to come back to Seattle in the spring following our return from Panama City sometime in late March or early April. It means a lot to have their support!

And speaking of support, I'm one step further in securing child care once my little girl comes home. As of today, my plan is to take a 3 month paternity leave from work starting on March 1st. Then starting on June 1st, my dear friend, Irene, has agreed to be my Nanny until September (at which time the baby is enrolled in a school for early childhood development less than 5 minutes from our home). Irene is Swedish and recently moved from Stockholm to be with her husband, Per, who is also a very good friend of mine. In every essence of the word, Irene is a beautiful person, whom I know will take excellent care of my little girl. Throughout my journey, Irene has been a wonderful advocate and of great support. As a mother of 20 year old twin boys born via IVF, she has a great understanding of the path I've taken, and the sacrifices made to have a family. I'm both thrilled and honored that Irene will be here to help us in the months ahead. I know her calm and caring nature will bring even more happiness to our home.

The support I've received from everyone has been overwhelming, and not a single day goes by that I don't stop and give thanks. In addition to this week's ultrasound photos, I also received photos of Margarita, and for the first time, our "baby bump". It was a bit surreal and somewhat emotional to see images of her pregnant belly and the little miracle growing inside of her. Until this week, I had only seen ultrasound images, so this was a pretty momentous occasion. It will be even more meaningful in a few weeks when I will have the first physical contact with her and the opportunity to hopefully feel my baby girl (provided she's active and kicking up a storm)! This will be the only opportunity I have to visit Margarita prior to the delivery, as frequent travel between Seattle and Panama City simply isn't feasible right now. The next time I see Margarita, we'll be in the O/R for the c-section and delivery sometime in late February or early March. At times my mind races about what I will say to her and how I will ever find the right words to express my heartfelt thanks and gratitude for the little miracle that is about to be...

 

Week 21...

Three days into Week 21 and I feel no less anxious then I did at Week 6, but every bit as excited! I'm starting to believe that the nervous energy will not taper off for quite some time...but when? I'm guessing a life time. The last 24 hours were particularly stressful waiting for results from yesterday's ultrasound. The good news is that everything with the baby is normal and she is developing exactly as expected. At 20 weeks and 3 days, she weighs about 10 ounces and is roughly 6 inches long from head to bottom, and about 10 inches from head to heal. Up until 20 weeks she was always measured from head to bottom, but now all future measurements will be provided from head to heal...who knew?

My little peanut has finally reached the size of a banana, but I still like to refer to her as 'peanut'...my 'big banana' just sounds wrong. If 'little peanut' offends anyone, or makes you feel hungry, I apologize, but it takes me back to a very special day when I saw the very first image of this little miracle. It's been an amazing journey to follow her development over the past few months and see her mature from a single cell to a 10 ounce baby girl. Somebody pinch me!

Like all experiences in life, we face highs and lows and yesterday was no exception. In a nutshell, the day was a series of failed communications and errors as my lead doctor, Sindy, was out of the office attending a seminar. We had been in touch earlier in the week with respect to yesterday's ultrasound and she had assured me that Dr. Vega would provide her with a timely update from the ultrasound appointment at 12pm PST, and a lab technician would be emailing me the ultrasound photos shortly thereafter (there is a 2 hour time difference between Seattle and Panama City and I normally receive results by 3pm PST). But when 5pm PST came and went with no phone call, email and an out-of-office response from my doctor, my mind automatically switched to overdrive and concern. And then finally at 5:30pm, the email I had been waiting for arrived. But no...wait, the technician mistakenly sent the ultrasound images and report from last month dated 9/24/12. My heart sank with disappointment as I feared I might now have to wait until next week for an update. In the end, it was about 30 minutes later when I received the email and correct ultrasound photos that I had been anxiously awaiting.

And at the end of the day, I was full of joy and happiness with the results. But imagine for just one minute being in my position. I accept the fact that a 2-3 hour delay might not seem like a big deal to anyone reading this, but it felt like a lifetime to me. One of the most difficult things for me to deal with during this journey to parenthood is distance. Imagine your child growing in the womb of a complete stranger. You can't see her, you can't speak to her to ask her how she is feeling, you can't rub her back or hold her hand to comfort her. And by the way, she lives over 5,000 miles away. Some days the distance really hurts, and while I refuse to let it get the best of me, delays in monthly communications manage to have a profound impact on my emotions. The reassurance that everyone is okay for another 4 weeks seems to lift the weight of the world from my shoulders.

Today was a new day, and like every other day throughout this journey, I remind myself how lucky I am for the little miracle on her way and for the love and support we've received from so many of you. And last weekend in Calgary was no exception...

I was fortunate to have the opportunity to spend the afternoon with my friend, Brad, his partner, Daniel, and their son, Layton. Layton was born via their Panamanian Surrogate on August 16th and he is one of the most beautiful babies I have ever seen. More importantly, he is healthy and home safe and sound with his Dads after a long journey from Panama. It was wonderful to finally meet Brad and Daniel in person and learn first-hand about their experience. From the details of Layton's delivery to their saga with the Canadian Embassy and Canadian Immigration, I learned a tremendous amount about the road ahead and some of the experiences I will need to manage following my daughter's birth. Brad and Daniel clearly helped set expectations, which is sometimes lacking through communication with my doctors. I don't think it is from a lack of caring or empathy on the part of my doctors, they simply aren't well-enough versed in the immigration laws of the countless countries their patients represent. Learning from Brad and Daniel's experiences and best practices will serve me well in the end, and I am beyond grateful for their support and friendship.

Our next ultrasound is scheduled for November 27th. In the meantime, I will continue to draw strength from the outpouring of support I receive from so many of you. As always, thanks for your love, encouragement and support.

Rob (+1 below)

Week 20

Yesterday marked the start of Week 20 and I'm now officially past the halfway point on my journey to parenthood. With the scheduled c-section taking place as early as Week 38, I'm a mere 18 weeks away from becoming a Dad!

It's 5:20am and I'm at the Seattle-Tacoma Airport waiting to board my flight to Calgary. This weekend marks a very special time as I'm going to meet (in person) an amazing family I first met nearly 7 months ago thanks to a virtual introduction. My friend, Brad and his partner, Daniel, were recently blessed with a little boy named Layton, who was born via their surrogate in Panama on August 16th. Over the past several months, Brad and I have been in regular contact and he's been an amazing source of information and support for me.

I feel very fortunate to have met Brad and had the opportunity to follow in his footsteps as he, Daniel and Layton have navigated their way through their own amazing (and sometimes complicated) journey. For me, this weekend will be an opportunity to connect with new friends, learn some best practices and provide much deserved thanks to Brad for his continued support. And with any luck, I'll win a few quarters from the Crane girls (Michelle, April and Sonia) in a battle of 45s)!

On a random side note, Brad works at WestJet with my cousin, April's husband, Tyler. And Brad was the recruiter who hired April during her tenure at WestJet a few years ago. If our meeting wasn't meant to be...I don't know what is???!!!! What I do know, is that this great big world of ours is actually a pretty small place, filled with many wonderful and unique people, all deserving of happiness. And to meet other Dad's who have realized their dream of starting a family through surrogacy, is one blessing I am most grateful for.

Next week marks another major milestone, our Week 20 ultrasound. As of yesterday, both Margarita and the baby continue to be doing great. The baby is a little over 6 inches in length, weighs approximately 9 ounces and sits in the mid-80s growth percentile. I'll have more photos and updates next week. Time to board the flight. As always, thanks to EVERYONE for your continued love, encouragement and support!!!

Week 16

While its only been 4 weeks since my Surrogate's last ultrasound appointment, it seems like an eternity. Days feel like weeks, minutes seem like hours! Yesterday we hit the 16 week milestone and the ultrasound continues to show great progress. My little peanut now weighs in at a whopping five ounces, and she's five inches in length. That's right, I said "she"...I'm having a GIRL!!!

For several weeks, I was on the fence as to whether or not I would learn the gender of my baby. Following yesterday's ultrasound, my doctor contacted me with the results of the exam and ultrasound, and gave me the option to learn the gender. I automatically responded with a yes, and was thrilled to hear the news! My cousin April and her husband Tyler (visiting from Calgary) were with me, and I'm sure it will be a moment none of us will ever forget. I was full of joy and emotion, and the minute I looked at April, mutual tears started to flow. I was so grateful to have family with me at the time, and how ironic that it was April who was here with me (you'll understand why if you've been following my blog since my initial post).

At 16 weeks, the bones in the baby's ears are in place which means she can probably hear voices. The hardest part right now is that she can't hear mine. However, on December 21st, she'll hear loud and clear just how much her Daddy loves her.

Learning the gender is a very personal decision and one that I spent much time considering. At the end of the day, I felt confident with my decision and ultimately decided to share my news publicly today. Ever since the pregnancy was confirmed, I had a very strong feeling that the baby was a girl; when I dream, I dream about a girl and when I think about the baby, I often found myself thinking and referring to it as "her". Regardless of the gender, I'm simply thrilled to learn that both Margarita and the baby continue to progress as well as the doctors would expect at this stage of the pregnancy.

I can't wait to welcome the sweet little girl (below) into my life some 20-22 weeks from now!

Proud Father-To-Be!

It's been an incredibly long and stressful summer, but with the utmost pride and elation, I'm excited to officially announce that I'm going to become a father in early March!! While I've known the results since the first pregnancy test in late June, I'm still covered in goose-bumps as I write this blog update. It's like hearing the news from my doctor again for the very first time..."Congratulations, Rob...the results of the pregnancy test are positive!" As long as I live, I will never forget that moment!!!

Despite the fact that I've been openly public about My Journey to Parenthood, I elected to keep the pregnancy test results confidential until the end of the 1st trimester...for obvious reasons! Thanks for understanding; I'm sure you can appreciate how difficult it was to keep such exciting news under wraps. I can't ever recall a greater state of euphoria in my life, and suspect this feeling won't be replicated until the day my "little peanut" is born.

Both Baby and Surrogate (Margarita) are doing great! Margartia is under full-time care in the Surrogate Home with nursing and nutritional support, and my little peanut is growing at a rapid pace. At 12 weeks, the baby now weighs approximately a full half-ounce and is about the size of a large plum. Most of his/her systems are in place, though there's still plenty of maturing to do. For one thing, his/her fetal digestive system is beginning to practice contraction movements necessary for eating, and his/her bone marrow is busy making white blood cells. The pituitary gland (at the base of the brain) has started producing the hormones that will enable him/her to make babies of his/her own in a couple of decades. Imagine! That would make me a Grandpa! I better not get too far ahead of myself...there's still a long way to go to weeks 38-40 (estimated timing of the scheduled c-section)!!!

Despite having completed PGD (genetic testing) prior to the embryo transfer, I don't know the gender of the baby, and I'm still undecided if I'll elect to find out. Being an A-type personality, the planner in me would love to know, but seeing as I'm a kid at heart, I love the element of a surprise. Either way, I will be thrilled with the outcome, and will love this child with every fiber of my being!

On to more practical matters...I have rented my downtown Seattle condo and traded it in for a 3 bedroom home in Redmond, close to work on the Microsoft campus and a stone's throw from my best friend in Seattle, Lori Dennis (and her daughter, Mackenzie). Auntie Lori has been a great supporter of mine for many years and will continue to be there for me as my neighbor and BFF. Lori has offered to help whenever she can when the baby comes home, and if there's one important fact I've learned from the pregnancy/parenting books I've read, always accept help! As a single Mom, Lori has been a great role model, and an amazing parent, and I hope to follow in her footsteps.

December 19th I'm scheduled to venture to Panama City where I will meet with my doctors and attend Margarita's ultrasound on the 21st. It will be amazing to see and possibly feel my baby in utero and spend some time with Margarita. I plan to stay in Panama for 6 days to get my bearings and close on a place to live once the baby is born. I expect to be in Panama City for 3-4 weeks following the birth so I'll require a fully functioning home as opposed to a hotel. This time will allow the baby to grow and gain strength prior to the long journey home to Seattle, and will also provide the necessary time needed to process the birth certificate and passport with the Canadian Embassy. Since I am Canadian, the baby will be issued a Canadian passport and will be eligible to enter the United States under the terms of my current work visa (and pending Green Card application).

I will return to Panama in early March; most likely 2-3 days prior to the scheduled c-section. Until then, I wake up every morning with a great sense of excitement for the future, and the utmost thanks for the miracle created just 12 short weeks ago. If a picture is worth a thousand words, I'll treat you to a million below, all starting with "love"...  

And Now We Wait....

With the egg retrieval now complete, I wanted to provide a quick update as I know everyone is anxious for some news. The egg retrieval itself resulted in the successful extraction of 15 eggs. Of those 15 eggs, 12 were viable for fertilization. From those 12, 9 eggs were successfully fertilized. Three days after fertilization, 2 of the eggs arrested, but 7 continued to grow and advance to the Day 5 stage.

On Day 5 all of the eggs were evaluated and underwent PGD testing to rule out any genetic deficiencies. At that time, each egg was assigned a Grade. The basic scale at John Hopkins is Grade 1 to Grade 6, with Grade 1 being the best candidate for transfer. Essentially, Grades are based on cell division, fragmentation and overall appearance. Of my 7 fertilized eggs, 6 were Grade 1 quality, which was wonderful news! My embryologist was very pleased and so was I!

The transfer of the eggs to my Surrogate was performed on Day 5. In fact, the procedure must be performed no later than Day 5. The average transfer time is anywhere from Day 3 to Day 5. Obviously, it is critical to move the eggs to the uterus as soon as possible to support growth and development. Three of my 6 eggs were successfully transferred to my Surrogate. The remaining 3 eggs were cyropreserved (frozen).

The health and condition of my Surrogate and her uterine lining is critical for success in IVF. And while healthy, Sally's uterine lining was not at the level my doctor's had seen in her prior exams. Unfortunately, she was unable to move forward in the process. Suffice to say, she was very disappointed. Fortunately, in all cases of IVF at John Hopkins, my doctors prepare 2 Surrogates. On Day 5 when Sally was deemed unable to proceed, my back-up Surrogate passed all medical exams and was able to accept the egg transfer. Her name is Margarita and she is 34 years old. She has 3 healthy children of her own and also delivered a healthy baby boy via the surrogate program 2 years ago. Margarita is participating in the surrogacy program so she can support her children with post-secondary education in a few years.

Margarita is now resting comfortably. My doctors are taking very good care of her and will be monitoring her progress on a daily basis. So now, we sit tight and wait. I'm excited and nervous, but have been spending a lot of my time reading, exercising and trying to focus on any activity that allows my mind to be at ease. Night time is most difficult as my mind tends to race along with my heart. I remain confident and optimistic that my faith in my doctors and this process will prevail. And you have no idea how much respect, admiration and eternal gratitude I have for my Surrogate.

Suffice to say, the days and weeks ahead are critical. I will update my blog again when I have more news to share. With any luck, it will be good news. In the interim, you have no idea how much I appreciate the outpouring of love and support I have received. You all know who you are, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart!

Rob

Happy Father's Day

Being Father's Day today, what better time to post a quick update on the status of things in Panama. I also want to wish all Father's, including mine, a very Happy Father's Day. With any luck, I'll be joining the ranks in 2013.

I don't have a lot of news to report at this time. Treatment for both my Egg Donor and Surrogate is progressing as planned. My Egg Donor had her first ultrasound on Thursday, June 14th and her follicles on both her left and right ovaries are developing nicely. The follicles are the appropriate size and the estradiol level is within the normal range, so my doctors are very pleased. Egg retrieval is scheduled for this coming Friday, June 22nd, and the doctors estimate they will retrieve a minimum of 15 eggs, but they are hopeful for more (based on the results of Thursday's ultrasound)! If the process continues to move forward as planned, IVF would take place on the June 22nd and 23rd, with the embryo transfer to my Surrogate to follow on June 26th or 27th.

Since my last post on June 1st, there has been a slight change of plans pertaining to my Surrogate. After further evaluation, it was determined that my previous Surrogate's uterine lining did not meet the expectations of my doctors. I don't understand all the nuances here, but my doctors feel it is best to work with a uterus that is triple lined. The condition of the lining in the uterus may be the difference between pregnancy success or failure in patients undergoing IVF. I trust my doctor's expert opinions and feel very fortunate for their continued due diligence and thoroughness throughout this process. Fortunately, we had another Surrogate available, whose uterus has been deemed clinically perfect!

My new Surrogate is a healthy, 30 year old, single-mother of three children. Like my previous Surrogate, she is participating in the John Hopkins Surrogacy program in an effort to further her education and earn an advanced diploma to provide her with the skills and monetary assistance needed to start her own small business. Her name is Sally, and with any luck, we'll be meeting in person some 20 weeks from now!

As always, thanks for your continued love and support. The next few weeks are a very critical time, so I'll thank you in advance for your support, positive vibes, love and prayers. 

Rob

Time to Make a Baby

It's been a long 12 months, but I am happy to report that all details are officially in order and it is now time to try and make a baby! Next Monday (June 4th), my Surrogate and Egg Donor will commence the necessary fertility treatments required to support the IVF procedure.

One of the most important steps in the IVF procedure is the egg retrieval process. In order to produce viable embryos for implantation, a number of ripe and mature eggs need to be retrieved from my egg donor's ovaries. Only then can the IVF procedure continue successfully. 

Here are some of the basic facts about the egg retrieval process involved in IVF treatment:

Egg retrieval is the process whereby a woman's eggs are removed from her ovaries. These eggs are later mixed with a man's sperm in order to facilitate fertilization. In order for egg retrieval to occur, a woman must first have follicle production stimulated by particular hormones. Once a number of follicles (potential eggs) are produced, fertility specialists can then remove these eggs from the ovaries in order to attempt fertilization. If fertilization is successful, the embryos will be placed back in to the woman's uterus, or in my case, into the uterus of my Surrogate.

Egg follicles are fluid-filled sacs that are located inside both of a woman’s ovaries. A woman is born with millions of these eggs follicles, each of which contains an immature egg at its center. Each month, thanks to certain hormones, multiple follicles will begin to develop. The one follicle that is the strongest will attract most of the follicle-stimulating hormone (FSH), a hormone secreted by the pituitary gland, causing it to break open and release an egg while the remaining follicles die off. This is ovulation.

In order for IVF to be most effective, more than just one mature egg needs to be retrieved. A reproductive endocrinologist will attempt to remove all viable follicles that are present in my donors ovaries, so that multiple eggs can be fertilized. This means that my donor will need to have her follicles stimulated artificially. There are special medications that she will be required to take for approximately ten days in order to help stimulate the development of her follicles. 

Timing is extremely important when it comes to the IVF retrieval process. If follicles develop too much, then the egg inside will become too mature for efficient fertilization. This can seriously affect the IVF process. For this reason, her ovaries will be monitored in order to keep an eye on her follicular development. This is typically done through ultrasound. When her follicles reach just the right maturity, egg retrieval can begin.

The egg retrieval process is a relatively simple one.  Follicles from both her left and right ovary will be removed in a process known as follicular aspiration. Follicular aspiration involves inserting a hollow needle through the top of the vagina and into the ovaries. This needle is then used to suction out any follicles that may be present in the ovaries. In order to guide the needle into the appropriate area of the ovary, she will be given a transvaginal ultrasound.

Once the needle is in the proper position, it will be used to aspirate any follicles inside of the ovary. These follicles will be immediately examined under a microscope to ensure the presence of a viable egg. The follicles will then be placed in an incubator.

Depending upon age and the effect of fertility medications, most women have between 5 and 20 eggs removed during the egg retrieval process. The entire process typically takes between 15 and 30 minutes. Let's hope my donor's retrieval results in lots of viable eggs!!

After the egg retrieval, all viable eggs will be subjected to a procedure called ICSI or Intracytoplasmic sperm injection (pronounced "eeksee" or "icksy"), which is an in vitro fertilization procedure in which a single specimen of my sperm will be injected directly into an egg . 

The following is a link to video where you can watch the ICSI procedure:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=npY0NR6c6OA#!

All fertilized eggs will then be cultured overnight until they can be checked for fertilization. If fertilization occurs, the eggs will continue to grow in a sterile lab environment for 3-4 days after which time, the embryos will be transferred to my surrogate.

At this time, the number of embryos to be transferred is unknown and will be dictated by the egg retrieval procedure, the viability of the eggs and finally, the number of fertilized eggs (embryos) created during IVF. Naturally, the probability of a successful pregnancy increases based on the number of healthy embryos transferred to my surrogate (and so do the odds of multiple births or twins)!

Naturally, I'm excited, scared and nervous, but intend to remain vigilant over the next couple of weeks as my doctor's perform the greatest miracle of my life. It will likely be several weeks before I have another update to share. In the meantime, thank you everyone from the bottom of my heart for your continued love, support and prayers.

I remain incredibly optimistic that I will become a Dad in 2013!!

News from today's conference call

Earlier today I had a very detailed and informative conference call with my doctor in Panama City. We discussed contracts, processes, procedures, time lines and next steps. I won't bore you with all the details, but the good news is that it is quite possible that we will be ready to proceed with IVF as early as the middle of June. I'm very pleased with the progress.

Both my Surrogate and Egg Donor will commence fertility and hormonal treatment ASAP, although treatment won't be nearly as long as originally anticipated. The goal is to synchronize the menstrual cycles of both women, overstimulate the Egg Donor and prepare the Surrogate's body to accept the embryos. The science of these procedures is complex, but I have to admit, very interesting.

I also learned a great deal more about my Surrogate today, which left me feeling even more confident about the surrogacy selection process, my decision to enter into such an agreement, and my ultimate journey to parenthood.

My Surrogate is a 23 year old, single mother of 2 boys. She is a stay at home mom with no formal higher education. But thanks to the assistance of the John Hopkins Hospital and their Surrogacy Program, she will soon commence studies towards an advanced diploma. She entered the Surrogacy program with a goal to enhance her education and improve her financial status in an effort to provide a better quality of life for her children. The fact that her gift to me, will result in a better life for her children, gives me a great sense of inner peace and the confidence of knowing that Surrogacy, regardless of its controversy, was the right decision for me.

In addition to being a great Mom, my doctor described my Surrogate as a very sweet and gentle person with a calm demeanor. And like all participants in the Surrogacy program (including me), she has passed a series of medical, criminal and psychological tests. We will meet in person once there is a confirmed pregnancy. And at such a time, I am welcome to attend any one or all of her medical appointments and ultra sounds, but that's jumping ahead just a little bit.

The next step in the process will be IVF and the creation of multiple healthy embryos. The success of the IVF procedure will dictate next steps in my journey to parenthood, but today moved me one baby step closer. More news on the IVF procedure and results in the coming weeks...

Results from Boston

After five long and very stressful weeks, I received my final semen analysis results from Boston today. The results could not have been better, and I now have three perfectly preserved specimens cryopreserved and awaiting IVF in Panama City. I've never been so nervous opening an envelope in all my life, and right now I feel on top of the world!

Before we can proceed with IVF, both my egg donor and surrogate will undergo several weeks of fertility treatment to prepare their bodies for the various procedures. Exact dates and details are still under review, but with any luck, we'll make a first attempt at IVF and embryo transfer within the next 6-8 weeks. I have a conference call scheduled with my doctor in Panama next week, and following that call I will have more information on next steps and anticipated timelines.

Thanks for all the calls, emails, texts and messages of encouragement and support. I think I will celebrate tonight and enjoy some much needed sleep this weekend. Today's results, while just another baby step in a long process, are monumental in setting the stage for the next phase of My Journey to Parenthood.

Boston Bound

I was touched and inspired by the cover of Vanity Fair this week. If you didn't see it, Ricky Martin shows off his handsome twin boys in a family cover shoot. Here's an excerpt from the article:

He didn’t let being a single man get in the way of his dreams of becoming a parent and welcomed twin boys in 2008 with the help of a surrogate.

And three years on Ricky Martin proudly showed off his adorable sons posing with them on the cover of the Spanish edition of Vanity Fair’s April issue.

In the magazine the Evita star speaks out about the surrogate process.

He said: ‘I did not rent a womb. That expression is used by fundamentalists. They loaned me an abdomen.’ Adding: ‘I would give my life for the woman who helped me bring my sons into this world.’

I love the quote Martin makes above about the "loan of an abdomen" and giving his life for this amazing gift. And in addition to that, I feel very fortunate to live in a world where technology exists to support those unable to reproduce under "traditional" circumstances, and for the amazing women who so generously agree to support our dreams.

So, with inspiration and a lucky penny in my pocket, I depart for Boston this Wednesday, where I will undergo 4 appointments over the course of 6 days to analyze, select and prepare my sperm for IVF later this spring or early summer.

And once again, thanks to technology and semen cryopreservation, a procedure to preserve sperm cells, which can then be used successfully indefinitely after cryopreservation; I'm confident my strong swimmers will survive the journey to Panama. Interesting fact: for human sperm, the longest reported successful storage is 21 years!!! Who knew???

I'll look forward to posting more news in another update closer to the end of April. In the meantime, thanks for the continued support, love, prayers, inspiration and best wishes.

 

My Journey

It's been a while since I've updated my blog; apologies. Not only have I updated the content, but I've also improved the design and layout. The previous version was built on Adobe Flash technology which was nothing but a nuisance for everyone. So welcome to my new and improved site and thanks for your patience. Now you can log in and follow updates in real time.

Before I dive in, let me say a huge thank you to everyone who has sent me emails of encouragement and support. Your messages and prayers are very much appreciated, and give me much strength on difficult days (keep em comin). And difficult days have been plenty lately, I'm sorry to report.

After a series of issues, red flags and general concerns, I terminated my relationship with my Surrogate Agency in Los Angeles at the end of January. In tandem, the trip Carolyn and I had painstakingly planned and scheduled was cancelled. So instead of packing for sunny California this evening, I'm writing this update (which does have a happy ending). I don't want to go into all the details over the termination of my previous agency, but let's just say they dropped the ball on several important commitments and promises. I was warned by many that this process would be an emotional roller coaster with many ups and downs...boy were they right! On a positive note, I'm thankful to have identified the concerns with the team in L.A. early in the process, rather than later when more time, emotional and financial investment had been made.

Now...onto the good news...

I've found a new IVF Clinic, not an agency, but an actual clinic where I have direct access to the Fertility Doctor and her team of specialists (no more agencies). The clinic specializes in IVF treatment and is an affiliate of the Johns Hopkins network of hospitals. The clinic is based in Panama City and is comprised of a number of medical doctors with extensive experience in fertility and IVF procedures. My doctor studied Obstetrics and Gynecology at the University of California, where she graduated in 1999. In 2005 she also completed specialty training in Reproductive Medicine at Stanford University School of Medicine. And in 2006, completed a fellowship at Stanford University in In Vitro Fertilization laboratory and embryology. Suffice to say, I am dealing directly with an expert team, which gives me great hope and a strong feeling of reassurance.

In addition to clinical services, the hospital in Panama also provides access to a database of egg donors and surrogates. Why Panama you ask? They have leading-edge IVF technology and expertise, which is available at a fraction of the cost of similar services here in the U.S. Just to give you some perspective, the cost of this procedure in the U.S. (given my scenario) is approximately $160,000 - $200,000. Panama is roughly half that amount, which is why so many Canadians and Americans are seeking fertility treatment abroad. Again, we can never put a price on the life of our child, but unfortunately we all have limitations when it comes to budget.

In 4 short weeks, I've had extensive conversation with my doctor, Sindy. Our initial conference call lasted nearly 2 hours during which time we conducted personal interviews of one another. Unlike my previous agency, Sindy was very forthcoming with information, including potential risks associated with the entire process. Her goal is to help me create and then deliver a healthy child. She was very clear about that. Not once during our conversation did she mention fees, invoices or payment terms. The entire team in Panama seems very much committed to my needs and the healthcare of everyone involved in My Journey.

In late January, I was fortunate enough to befriend a member of a gay couple in Calgary who have been working with Sindy and her team for several months. Their reference and endorsement was very positive, and I'm happy to report that they celebrated Week 13 of their pregnancy this week. In a very short time, we've become cyber-confidants and friends, for which I'm grateful and gain much strength. Having support of others who have been through this process is a tremendous advantage, and hearing stories about the development and health of their unborn child gives me additional confidence in Sindy and her team.

With that said, I've chosen an amazing young woman as an egg donor and will soon commence the IVF process using her donated eggs and my sperm to create embryos for transfer to a Surrogate. For privacy reasons, I can share limited information about my donor. But I can assure you that she's very healthy, well-educated, has an above average IQ and is emotionally and psychologically stable. I've received medical records and official test scores to validate all of her personal information, including a detailed genetic profile. She's a native of Colombia, so physically, she is very attractive with dark hair and a beautiful complexion. More importantly, she has donated her eggs on 3 prior occasions, resulting in 2 pregnancies and 2 healthy babies. I feel fortunate to have found her.

With respect to the Surrogate, the process and laws in Panama are very different than here in the U.S. The doctors in Panama are responsible for recruiting the Surrogate. Naturally, there are a series of medical guidelines and tests that they must adhere to when selecting a Surrogate, but ultimately recruitment and selection is their responsibility. I will have the opportunity to meet my Surrogate, but not until our first ultrasound (fingers crossed). If the embryo transfer results in a successful pregnancy, I am legally able, welcome and encouraged to attend any ultrasound appointment. And as previously discussed, I would be present for a scheduled c-section at 37 weeks, unless of course there should happen to be multiple births (e.g. twins)! But I shouldn't get ahead of myself.

Next step in the process is a trip to Boston in early April where I will spend a week working with one of the leading fertility specialists in the United States. Over the course of 5 days, I will have 3 visits to the doctor where they will collect my sperm for analysis, sperm selection and cyropreservation. Essentially they will take 3 sperm samples from which they will genetically select the best quality of sperm and then freeze them. The frozen sperm will be carefully placed in a special....we'll call it "cooler" for international shipping to Panama. I could travel to Panama for this procedure, but the doctors in Boston are some of the best in the world at selecting sperm. To give you some perspective, I have roughly 87 million sperm to chose from; some are very high quality, others not so much. Using advanced technology, the doctors in Boston will isolate and select the best sperm for use in the IVF process. And while there are no guarantees for successful fertilization and pregnancy, this procedure will increase the probability significantly. Isn't technology amazing?!

Based on a conversation with my doctor in Panama today, IVF could be attempted as soon as May 1st. Suffice to say, I'm very pleased with the progress made in 4 short weeks, and look forward to reporting more success stories in the weeks and months to come. Thanks for tuning in...plenty more Baby Steps to come.

My Journey

As previously posted, this entire process is quite complex, and while I'm certainly not an expert, I will attempt to break it down given my experience and knowledge to date. Having successfully selected a Surrogate Agency, my journey now takes a huge leap forward. In chronological order (and to the best of my knowledge), the process looks something like this. STEP: 1) Male Fertility Examination 2) Egg Donor Selection 3) Surrogate Selection 4) Fertility Treatment for Egg Donor 5) IVF 6) Fertility Treatment for Surrogate 7)Transfer of Embryos to Surrogate 8) Confirmed Pregnancy and 9) Labor and Delivery by Scheduled C-Section at 37 Weeks (unless there are multiple births)!

On January 9th, I underwent my Male Fertility Exam at the University of Washington Male Fertility Clinic. Quite an experience! The primary purpose of this exam was to complete a detailed analysis of my sperm to assess overall fertility. After registration and 30 minutes in the waiting room, I was lead down a long corridor by my nurse, where we eventually entered a very normal looking and sterile examination room; “normal”, all except for the TV, DVD Player and selection of reading material. After some brief instruction, the nurse handed me a copy of Hustler magazine and the remote control for the TV/DVD player, and wished me luck. “Hustler”, I thought….“Clearly they don’t know their clientele”! Anyway, we'll fast forward through the detail, but suffice to say, I had a successful first exam, and preliminary results are normal with a brief follow-up visit scheduled for later next month.

In tandem with my Fertility Exam, I've been working with my agency to review potential egg donor profiles. While this exercise is completed mainly online, I can assure you it is not an “online shopping” experience. Each potential egg donor is processed through a very thorough psychological and physical exam, including family medical history and substance testing. The amount of data published about each potential donor is staggering. From eye color, to height, weight, education, complete medical history and favorite foods, etc., no stone is left unturned. Of course, the identity of the women is strictly anonymous, with the exception of photos and a first name. And while contact with the egg donor is managed strictly by the agency, some egg donors will agree to meet with a prospective parent(s). I mention this because it is my intention to follow this process.

Every individual in search of an egg donor has a number of criteria they wish to review. And while every case is unique and deeply personal, I intend to base my decision on the following: age, medical history, proven fertility (if applicable), current health status, education and ethnicity. I do realize that this process is viewed by many as controversial, but at the end of the day, I have to select a single egg donor and I intend to do so based on criteria that are most important to me. But how can one decide from an online profile alone? I can't! Which is why I am flying to Los Angeles the first weekend of March to meet two (and possibly a third) egg donors whom I've pre-selected to interview. Our meetings were finally confirmed last night, which is my exciting news for this week (I've been waiting for 4 weeks)!!!! The other important and exciting component to this trip is that one of my best friends in the world will be joining me from Halifax, Nova Scotia. Carolyn Townsend has graciously agreed to take time away from work, her husband and two small children to support me through this process. I know Carolyn will be of great support and will help ensure that I don't make a decision based on emotion, but rather one based on fact. What a tremendous gift this will be to have my “bestie” by my side!

In LA, Carolyn and I will have an opportunity to meet each potential donor in an informal and casual setting. Our meeting will be just as important to the egg donor, as it is to me. And at the end of the day, she is under no contractual obligation to enter into an agreement with me. In fact, if she is not 100% comfortable donating her eggs to me, that is her right, which I will naturally respect. So while there are no guarantees on the outcome of our trip, it is another Baby Step in my journey to parenthood and one that I am very excited about!
 

My Journey

So with my mind made up last July, I started to make phone calls and send emails to countless surrogate agencies in the US, Canada and several other countries around the world. That process in and of itself was daunting, complex and confusing, as everyone I spoke to seemed to have a different perspective or provided me with slightly different information. Before I go further, some people are probably asking why surrogacy and why not adoption? Good question, for which there are many answers. Some are deeply personal, others are more matter of fact, and believe it or not, some pertain to my current US immigration status. On a personal level, I believe most of us have the desire to create life from scratch; to take our own unique seed or DNA, and create new life blessed with our unique genetic profile. And while I agree that there are many children in the world in need of a loving home, my personal dream has always been to create a child with that unique biological connection to me. Some may call that a selfish curse, but how bad could another “little Robbie” be? If I was in a traditional heterosexual relationship and wanting to start a family, I honestly believe that most people wouldn’t ask that question, but being gay, I believe that some people feel I should be naturally inclined to adopt, after all, “surrogacy isn’t natural, Rob”. From a more practical perspective, the reality is adoption can be just as difficult, litigious and expensive for a single, gay man, especially here in the United States where I sit in the basement of the priority totem pole. For me, gestational surrogacy seemed the most natural and logical course of action, and so I set my sights on those agencies, doctors, fertility clinics and hospitals specializing in this practice, of which there are HUNDREDS!!!

Surrogacy laws vary around the world like the colors of the rainbow (couldn’t resist the symbolism). Naturally, being Canadian, I thought Canada might be a good place to start. And it seemed so practical from a health care perspective as well. Turns out…not so much! Surrogacy in Canada is very difficult and is governed with a very complex set of legal guidelines. Most pertain to compensation for the surrogate, which by the way, is illegal in Canada. I won’t go into all the nuances of Canadian Surrogacy laws, but if you’re interested, there’s plenty to read online. The reality is that the majority of Canadians now seeking surrogacy migrate south to the US, where the laws are still complex, but support compensation for the surrogate. Personally, I don’t know how we can put a price tag on surrogacy. Any woman willing to give that gift deserves a medal from Oprah, or someone almighty (is there anyone almightier than Oprah?). All joking aside, what’s the value of surrogacy in US currency? I honestly can’t answer that, but I can tell you that the national average is approximately $30,000-$40,000.  Is this fair? I don’t know, but I can tell you the total price tag for this type of procedure can range anywhere between $120K - $200K. If I could give someone this gift, I like to think that I would do it as a good gesture donation. However, I do believe that compensation is fair, but remains controversial. After all, we CAN NOT but a price on a human life. If I’m fortunate enough to find a woman who will carry my child to term, I will feel indebted to her for life, and I can assure you that there is no amount of money that could ever repay that debt.

After three months of communication, inquiries, correspondence and conversations with family and my closest friends, I have entered into a tentative agreement with an international surrogate agency based in Los Angeles. All agencies are different, but in many cases, and to simplify things, they serve as a broker; providing access to medical resources such as IVF (in vitro fertilization – the process by which egg cells are fertilized by sperm outside the body), egg donor databases, surrogate databases, labor and delivery, post-natal care, and case management. My agency has been providing surrogacy services since 2003 and is registered with an A- rating with the Better Business Bureau of the United States. This gives me a great sense of confidence and peace of mind that I am engaging with an organization that serves the best interests of all parties (mine, the egg donor and surrogate). Another baby step...

 

My Journey

Like most people, my journey through life has taken many twists and turns, ups and downs, highs and lows; none of which I'll ever regret. Since I was a young boy, I've often dreamt and romanticized what it would be like to one day become a father. This blog is about my journey to fulfill that lifelong dream and to share my experience with the friends and family in my life, who matter most. And like all of our journeys in life, this won't be simple, but I thank you in advance for your encouragement and support.

I've chosen the title "Baby Steps" for several reasons. First off being irony, but second, it is indicative of the journey I have recently begun. As the old adage goes...before we can run, we must walk, and before we can walk, we must crawl, and before we can crawl, we must be born...(or something like that). My goal over the next 12-18 months is to give life to my own biological child, one baby step at a time.

Over the coming weeks and months, I will share my experience as a single, gay man entering into the greatest decision and journey of my life. And while this process provides no guarantee for a successful outcome, I will endeavor to maintain a positive and optimistic outlook on my journey to become a father. Thanks for joining me!

While growing up with 2 older siblings and a massive extended family (my Mom is 1 of 14 children) was very much a blessing, I've always longed for a little bit more. I often recall tugging on Mom's pant-leg or apron strings as we baked in the kitchen on Birchill Drive, asking when I would one day have a younger brother. Why a brother? I'm not quite sure, but suspect I was already content having 2 sisters and a large colony of female first cousins who were also pseudo sisters.

I was 5 or 6 years old when my cousin, April, was born. The day my Auntie Janice was released from the hospital, she and my Uncle Stephen dropped newborn April off at the house for my Mom to babysit while they ran a few errands in town before heading to "the country" (looking back, it was PEI, it is ALL country). Anyway, when April arrived, my Mom told me she was my new baby brother!!! Screw Cloud 9, is there a Cloud 100? If so, I was on it! Looking back, the pink blanket should have been a clue that April was yet another "girl" (who I love to pieces, btw). But much to my disappoinment, turns out she was neither a boy, nor my new baby brother. I quickly realized that when the stork (or in this case, the Crane) came back and took her home. I was devastated! Now before you send my Mother hate mail for a harmless little joke, please know I'm over it and quickly forgave her. After all, she is the best mother I've ever known. And those of you who know Barbie, will likely agree.

While April had moved on to the bright lights of Pisquid, my journey continued...

Fast forward to high school and my part-time job at the Quik Pik (a neighborhood convenience store). Like most kids in high school, my hormones consumed me and ran wild, and while I was never confused about my sexual orientation, growing up in small town PEI didn't afford me the liberties of an overtly progressive community. This is not intended as a slight against PEI or its population (I'm very proud of my Island heritage), but it was a reality of growing up there. Let's just say that diversity wasn't in the PEI dictionary back then. Anyway, I remember the set up at the Quik Pik like it was yesterday. Next to the cash register was a candy counter, full of bazooka bubble gum, sour patch kids, candy cigarettes, black licorice pipes, pixie sticks, hockey cards, you name it (when I think back, why didn't they have curling cards? lol). And while I loved the candy, I was always more interested in the Gerber Baby University Savings Program brochure on the top shelf. I read that brochure every shift and often day-dreamed about one day having my own child and saving pennies for his college fund. I even went as far as calling to open an account one day, but was told I needed to have a child in order to do that. I was pissed, but vowed then and there that I would one day make that call. 

Coming out was another huge journey in and of itself, and while I'll spare you the details (thanks to a loving and supportive family and network of close friends there was no "drama" to report...sorry), I can tell you it was a significant milestone in my life for which I am truly grateful and proud. However, at the time, I didn't give a whole lot of thought about becoming a parent one day. On the contrary, I think my self-acceptance almost gave me permission to forget that dream. Or was I under the impression or influence that gay men simply couldn't or didn't want to have children? Either way, I guess I subconsciously agreed to park my dream. Or did I?

Being out and starting to openly date, I remember asking any prospective date or suitor his thoughts about kids or having a family. I'd say that 8 times out of 10, I'd get "the look" or "hell no" response, but every now and again I'd meet friends or acquaintances with a different opinion, which I always found refreshing.

A little over a year ago, I was attending a friend's brunch in Seattle, when I met a local gay couple who after 2 years of attempting pregnancy with a traditional surrogate were "expecting" (Side bar: there are 2 types of surrogates; traditional and gestational. Traditional = a female who donates her egg(s), which is fertilized either through IVF or insemination. She carries and delivers the child and is the biological mother. Gestational = the egg donor is independent of the surrogate. The egg is fertilized via IVF then transferred to the surrogate, who carries and delivers the child, but has no biological connection to the child). 

I remember that day like yesterday....a light bulb went off and within hours I'd compiled a million gigs of research. Incidentally, that couple welcomed their baby boy into this world on November 23rd, 2011. He's healthy, handsome, loved and blessed to have 2 great Dads! I was overwhelmed with emotion and tears when I read his birth announcement.

Ultimately, my research informed me that I would be in for a long, litigious, complicated, emotional and expensive 6-figure journey, if I chose to take a leap of faith. After months (or arguably years) of consideration, I've decided to dive in head first!