1 Week Old, ALREADY!!

I am "starting" this blog entry on Tuesday, March 12th, 2013. I highlight "start" because I suspect it will take me some time to articulate my thoughts over what has been, without a doubt, the greatest week of my life. It's 6:32am and in roughly 15 hours, Blythe will be 1 week old. I still can't believe it. Where do I begin?

For years, I've heard people say there is no deeper or greater love than that which you will experience for your own child. That my friends, it a complete and total understatement! Words can't even begin to express how much love fills my heart and soul today. As I sit here and watch her tiny chest rise and fall with every breath, my love only grows stronger. I can stare at her for hours on end, which often results in tears of joy. I honestly feel like the luckiest man alive and haven't taken a single moment of the last week for granted, nor will I in the future.

Since Blythe's birth, I have literally received hundreds of emails, calls and messages of congratulations. I have saved everyone possible and will cherish them forever; thank you all so very much. At times, the support has been overwhelming and I can assure you that my little girl will always know how many people were behind the scenes rooting for her and supporting her Dad. Seriously, thank you all! Yesterday I received a very special email from an old childhood friend back on Prince Edward Island. It really touched my heart and I would like to share it:

Rob,

Congratulations on the birth of Blythe, she is so precious and is lucky to have a great Dad like you. My husband and I weren't as blessed. I am unable to have any children but it makes my heart fill with joy to see that you have been blessed with a beautiful little girl. I can see it in your eyes that you are truly content and will be an excellent father.

All the best to both you and I would love to meet her when you come home to PEI.
Lots of love
J.

All I can say, is that "J" is right, I am blessed, that I know for certain, and as I said earlier, I will never take a single moment of my life with Blythe for granted. I made both myself and Blythe that promise last Tuesday night at 9:12pm.

For some people, the day their child is born can sometimes be a blurr. While it seems like yesterday and still all somewhat of a dream, I did capture as many images and thoughts as humanly possible...

My day started at 5:30am. Since I arrived in Panama City on March 1st, I had been averaging only 4 hours of sleep per night in anticipation. The night of the 4th was no different. I rose at 5:30am, made coffee and sat on the balcony watching the sun rise over the Bay of Panama and the Pacific Ocean. The sky was the prettiest shade of pink and right then and there I knew this day would be amazing (see image below)! 

I spent the day trying to relax. I read, skyped with family, wrote in my journal, cleaned, cleaned, and cleaned, followed by 2 or 3 hot showers. I met my doctor and attorney at 2pm to review and sign some final documents and made a quick trip to the mall for a late lunch/early dinner. By 7:30pm I was ready to go...just one more hot shower and I was all set! I arrived at the hospital around 7:45pm and waited in Dr. Vega's office while he finished with his last patient of the day. Around 8:15pm Dr. Vega, his nurse and I walked to the O/R where we changed and scrubbed in. Once we were ready, Dr. Vega's nurse led me to the pre-op room where Margarita was resting. She looked nervous, which instantly scared me. I said hello, asked her how she was feeling and she told me she was nervous but assured me that she would be okay. She told me the baby was kicking up a storm. She then grabbed my hand, squeezed hard and gave me a reassuring look that everything would be fine. After a quick rub of her belly and a kiss to her forehead, she was wheeled into the O/R.

At 9pm, the O/R nurse escorted me into the O/R. There were 7 people in attendance, plus myself. Dr. Vega performed the surgery. I sat next to Margarita trembling in response to every single beep from the adjacent heart and fetal monitors. The surgery itself was, let's just say, fascinating! Around 9:10pm Dr. Vega asked me if I was ready to meet my baby. He told me that he was close to securing her head and that I should get ready. Armed with my camera and video recorder, I inched myself closer to Margarita's side. At this time, Dr. Vega and the other doctor assisting with the surgery were aggressively working the baby's head out through the incision. I was surprised how aggressive they were and asked them to be careful. And then all of a sudden, out came this tiny head. I froze as Dr. Vega expelled the first bit of fluid from her month. At this time, she still wasn't making a sound so I was nervous, but then literally 15 seconds later out she came and the room erupted in cheers as she screamed with life celebrating her first few breaths. It was without a doubt, the most beautiful moment of my life. I wept with joy.

Immediately following the delivery, Dr. Abbott (our Pediatrician) and her nurse took over, cleaning the baby and performing a series of Apgar tests. Dr. Abbott assured me Blythe was perfect, which was quickly confirmed by her test results...a 9, followed by a perfect 10. Suffice to say, I was thrilled and for the first time in 9 months, I felt the weight of the world lift from my shoulders. After some final cleaning, I cut the umbilical chord and said good-bye to Margarita, who was now resting comfortably. Dr. Abbott, her nurse and I took Blythe to the  nursery, where she spent the next hour in an incubator being warmed. This was standard procedure prior to her first round of shots, bath and feeding. I stayed by her side and called my family with the happy news. It was truly an amazing night and one that I will never ever forget!

At 7 days old, Blythe is thriving at home with her Dad and Auntie Michelle. Her stay in the hospital nursery was uneventful thanks to the wonderful care we received, especially from our lead nurse, Kimberley! We met lots of other parents, babies and families, a few whom even share our same story (I will share those experiences later). Now, it's back to regular feedings, diaper changes, cuddles and the administration of a ton of paperwork, processes and red-tape that is critical to our return home to Seattle.

With love from the Simpson family...(I love saying that)
Rob & Blythe

 

Beautiful pink sun rise on the day my sweet daughter was born.

Blythe Kimberley Simpson

Week 39 - 24 Hours to Go!

With a little over 24 hours to go before delivery, my heart is racing with excitement and anticipation. It seems like just yesterday that I was researching the world of surrogacy for answers on how it might help me realize my dream of becoming a father and starting a family. It is now 18 months later, and I still can't believe that the greatest event of my life is just hours away. I'm so happy and feeling incredibly blessed.

I arrived in Panama on Friday night after a long and very turbulent trip from Seattle. Fortunately, I had interesting conversation with the person sitting next to me on both flights which helped pass the time. On the flight from Houston to Panama City, I sat next to a very nice woman from Colorado (we'll call her Linda). Linda and her husband (both in their early 70s) were traveling to Panama for an eco-excursion along the Panama Canal (he was sitting in coach, and she was upgraded to first class so I didn't meet him, but he sounded like a nice chap). Anyway, they are avid travelers and outdoor enthusiasts, so she had lots of interesting stories to share about their life together (like their recent trip across the North Atlantic on a freighter that sailed from Amsterdam to Duluth, MN). Seriously, this couple were up for anything!

In addition to our travel logs, we exchanged other stories about this great journey called life. I shared my experience of becoming a Dad, and surprisingly, she didn't flinch. Not that she should, but for someone of her generation, she was very current and refreshingly liberal, but there's more to this story, which is why I chose to share it.

Back in Colorado, Linda comes from a large family of brothers and sisters, many of whom have children, so there are countless nieces and nephews (sounds familiar). Anyway, she shared two stories. The first story was about her 48 year old niece, we'll call her Heather. Heather is a lesbian and has an adopted daughter from Thailand who is now 8 years old (adopted at 6 months). Both Heather and her daughter are great, but struggle in their relationship with Heather's 99 year old mother. When Heather came out at the age of 25, her mother never accepted her and asked her how she could make such a poor decision to be gay. Heather tried to explain that being gay wasn't a decision or a choice she made, it was simply how she was born. Her Mom didn't buy it and for 20+ years she has failed to accept Heather, which has driven a deep wedge in their relationship. And unfortunately, Heather's daughter has never had the opportunity to meet the only grandparent in her life. This made me sad.

Then there is Linda's 23 year old nephew, we'll call him Donald. Since he was a teenager, Donald had been bullied back in small town, Colorado. Shunned by his peers and labeled an outcast by his community for being different, Donald resorted to drugs to escape the brutal reality of being gay. After an unsuccessful stint in rehab, Donald took his own life 6 weeks ago. This made me even more sad.

Suffice to say, Linda has seen firsthand why acceptance in life is so important. I guess that is why my story simply didn't faze her one bit. When we disembarked in Panama, Linda tipped her hat and wished me well. And then I thought...

If there is one lesson in life that I intend to instill in my little girl, it is acceptance. She will learn to accept everyone around her, regardless of the color of their skin, the religion they practise, or their sexuality. And she will grow up in a home where it is okay just to be yourself, for that is good enough. I will teach her to dream big and live life to the fullest, chasing her heart's greatest desires. Tomorrow her journey begins and I couldn't be more proud.

Thanks to everyone who has stood by me on this journey. Your love and support continues to inspire me.

~Rob

Week 36 - Delivery Date Confirmed!

On Wednesday of this week, we reached the Week 36 milestone. Margarita (my surrogate) had a manual examination this morning and both she and the baby are doing great. The baby has moved to the head down position and continues to maintain a strong and steady heartbeat. At 36 weeks, the baby is gaining weight at the rate of about an ounce per day. She now weighs approximately 6 pounds. She's shedding most of the downy covering of hair that covered her body as well as the vernix caseosa, the waxy substance that covered and protected her skin during her nine-month amniotic bath.

At the end of this week (Wednesday, February 20th), the baby will be considered full-term. And today, Dr. Vega confirmed that the delivery (via a cesarean section) will take place on the evening of Tuesday, March 5th. I will be in the O/R for the procedure and will assume sole custody and responsibility for the baby once she is born (with support from my pediatrician and nursing staff). Following the delivery, the baby will remain in the hospital nursery for approximately 72 hours (or 3 days). Her release date is dependent upon the release date of my surrogate. Under Panamanian law, the baby cannot be released from the hospital until the surrogate is discharged.

During her stay in the nursery, I will have access to the baby for several hours per day for feedings, visitation, general care and cuddles. Naturally, it would be nice to take her home within 24 hours, just as the process here in the US or Canada dictates, but I'm actually feeling comfortable and appreciative that she will spend her first 3 days under the watchful eye and care of the nursery staff and my pediatrician. I'm not at all nervous about taking her home, but I believe a little extra time in the nursery will help give me the added confidence and peace of mind for when I finally do. And what a truly amazing day that will be! I'm emotional just thinking about it and so VERY excited!!! I'm also especially grateful for Michelle (Saulnier) Blankenship, who will be by our side for the trip home and our 1st week as a family.

Earlier this evening, my colleagues at work hosted a second baby shower. I received lots of beautiful gifts for my little girl in addition to the most amazing outpouring of support! We had lots of fun sharing stories and child experiences, in addition to a little fun where the team tried to guess the baby's name. However, I didn't relinquish from my position, as I am waiting to share her name on her birthday. This evening was a great way to end Week 36. As always, I am beyond grateful for the love and support from so many. The celebration this evening was incredibly special and once again reminds me how fortunate I am!

18 days and counting...

Carolina, Juli and I @ tonight's Baby Shower admiring the beautiful handmade blanket and flowers from my friend, Abby!

 

 



Week 34 - Tentative Delivery Date!

I am now 34 weeks and 2 days into this roller coaster journey. This week has been one of many ups and downs. Today, however, has been full of positive energy and continued great results from Panama. And right now, that's all that really matters in life. My little girl is just 4 weeks away from being in my arms and I am more excited than ever!

Margarita had her bi-weekly ultrasound this morning and things continue to progress just as Dr. Vega would hope. The baby weighs 5lbs 5oz and is maintaining a very strong heart beat. At 34 weeks, her fat layers — which will help regulate her body temperature once she's born — are filling her out, making her rounder. Her skin is also smoother than ever. Her central nervous system is maturing and her lungs are continuing to mature as well. As of today, Dr. Vega anticipates the c-section will take place on Monday, March 4th (sorry Gaynor and Helen). Margarita will have another ultrasound on February 15th, and at that time, Dr. Vega will confirm the delivery date. EXCITED barely scratches the surface to describe the emotion I am feeling right now!!

Earlier this week, I completed my final Newborn Care class at Seattle's Swedish Medical Center. That too was an emotional experience sharing my story with a room full of strange new parents-to-be. Normally, I'm not shy, or at a loss for words, but I did feel a bit nervous meeting the group. There were Moms & Dads from all walks of life in attendance, including; 2 mixed-race couples, an Indian couple, a Spanish couple, an Asian couple, three Caucasian couples (one of whom were late teens or early twenties) and finally another single Dad, just like me, expecting his first child via a Surrogate. Race aside, we all shared a common dream and instantly, my nerves were washed away as this room of complete strangers quickly became friends, sharing some of the most intimate details of their lives; each one of us appreciating the other's story. It was a wonderful evening and I took home the prize for the best swaddle (in addition to so much support)!!

Travel plans to Panama are officially confirmed as are all the accommodation logistics for our stay. I will depart Seattle on Friday, March 1st with a return date pending on or about April 14th. Our return date will depend 100% upon the Canadian Embassy's ability to expeditiously process our DNA test, Citizenship Application and Passport Application. Once all the official documents are approved and in my hands, we will be free to return to the U.S. The Embassy estimates 4-5 weeks to process all of the paperwork. I suspect this will be our greatest hurdle, but remain optimistic that the bureaucratic processes in place will deliver. I've done absolutely everything possible to prepare, including a meeting with Citizenship & Immigration Canada this coming Monday in Vancouver.

During our stay, I've rented a 2 bedroom condo within a 10 minute walk to the hospital and the Canadian Embassy. We'll have all the comforts of home, including some special out-of-town guests who have graciously offered to travel to Panama all the way from Canada and the US to help out!! First to arrive will be my dear friend (aka big sister), Michelle, who will be visiting from Sarasota, Florida. Michelle is a registered nurse and will arrive 2-3 days after the baby's birth to assist me on the trip home from the hospital and all those sleepless nights ahead. Having a medical professional in house, will definitely help alleviate any anxiety or fear those first few days. Michelle keeps me calm and I am beyond grateful that she will be there for me, just as she always is! Michelle plans to stay 8 or 9 days and will likely overlap my other visitors by 2-3 nights.

On March 15th, my sister, Kim, and her husband, Tim, will arrive from Prince Edward Island. As parent's of two children, Kim and Tim are veteran parents and will provide me additional help and support until March 23rd. Kim is "Mommy extraordinaire", so I know we'll be in very capable hands. Tim is an awesome Dad, and rumor has it, very handy in the kitchen. Panama offers an abundance of fresh seafood and the local fish market is very close to the condo, so I'm looking forward to some interesting culinary dishes, between feedings, diaper changes and cat naps. I'm so happy to have family there with us and so very appreciative for every bit of support I've received over the past year. It's the only thing that got me through the longest days!

Finally, Margarita is doing great! Thanks to the great team of doctors, nurses and nutritionists, she continues to gain a healthy amount of weight and is taking very good care of herself as her regular labs, examinations and ultrasounds have been perfect. I've recently spent a lot of time contemplating ideas for a special gift to present her once the baby is born. This is certainly not a requirement, but something I very much want to do for her. I received lots of great ideas from friends, but ultimately decided to check with my doctor and the clinical psychologist who supports Margarita. And they all agreed it was a good idea to ask Margarita herself, so they did, and apparently, she has been saving for a laptop for her oldest son, who is now a senior in high school.

Margarita's goal and incentive for becoming a Surrogate, in addition to helping someone like me become a parent, was to provide a better life for her children. She specifically cited a goal of supporting her eldest son with his college education next fall. Now, in addition to paying his tuition, she is saving money to buy him a much needed laptop. She could have wished for something for herself, but instead, she continues to give to others. I've been so incredibly touched by this stranger; this beautiful woman, who has given up so much of her life over the past 9 months to give to others. She is a blessing and a great example of why doing acts of kindness for others is so incredibly important. I told her to save her money for something else...this one is on me.

 

HERE SHE IS...

Week 30 - Gaining weight at a rapid pace!!!

Yesterday (January 2, 2013) marked Week 30 in this epic journey. And today the Week 30 ultrasound was performed. I waited all day for the results. At times I thought my heart was going to jump right out of my chest as the waiting is the most difficult part for me. Finally, at 4:30pm the news arrived, and I'm very happy to report that everything continues to progress like clockwork, and both the baby and Margarita continue to thrive under Dr. Vega's care!

For the past few weeks, Margarita has been taking a protein supplement to support weight gain, and by all reports, it's working. On December 20th, the baby weighed 2 lbs 6 oz; today she weighs 3 lbs 5 oz...that's nearly a 1 lb gain in 2 weeks!! Margarita and the baby will be seen again on January 17th.

We are now on a 2 week cadence for check-ups, ultrasounds and various blood tests. I am beyond impressed with the care and attention we are receiving. I've vetted our treatment schedule and regime with friends and family in both Canada and the US who work in the medical field, and everyone is beyond impressed with the technology, care and attention provided by my team of physicians. Obviously, this gives me a great sense of relief and peace of mind being so far away!

By all reports, I am now only 8 weeks out from the delivery. Honestly, where did the time go??? Based on the baby's current size and growth rate, Dr. Vega anticipates he will perform the c-section sometime during the 38th week, which is roughly February 27th - March 6th. He will prolong the procedure for as long as possible to support growth in utero, but normally not beyond 39 weeks. I should receive confirmation of the date sometime in early February (normally 2-3 weeks in advance). At that time, I will make my final arrangements for travel and accommodation, both of which are tentative at this stage.

I recently put the finishing touches on the nursery, and I have to say, I am very happy with the outcome and decor. A huge thank you to my family, especially my Dad, who helped with lots of the finishing work. The room is very peaceful and decorated in sweet butterfly accents. I chose butterflies because many believe they are the symbol of transformation. Last year, I started this journey on merely a dream and great belief, and now 1 year later, I am just weeks from transforming that dream to my very own family. What started as a single cell, has conquered all odds and transformed into my little miracle.

And now I wait...to meet and love the greatest gift life could ever give...

Week 29 - Best Christmas Gift Ever

Season's Greetings from Panama City!

In just three short days, we reach the Week 29 milestone, and by all reports, my little peanut will make her debut in 9-10 weeks! It's been an emotional and draining couple of days here in Panama City, but everything with the pregnancy continues to go well!

During my visit, I had the opportunity to meet with my OBGYN, IVF doctor, and Surrogate, Margarita. I also met with a nurse from the Family Cord Blood Clinic to discuss my options for preserving the cord blood and/or stem cells. In addition, I had an appointment at the Canadian Embassy with the Consular and one of her staff...

Fortunately, the Canadian Embassy is literally right across the street from the hospital on the 11th floor of a large business tower. When I arrived at my appointment, I had to pass through a security station and metal detector. The station was manned by an armed guard, whom I had to gently nudge several times to wake him from his siesta at 8:30am!!!

I had just passed through screening and entered the embassy when the guard came in behind me to inspect and remove my personal belongings (I guess he was too sleepy to notice the backpack and bag of wrapped Christmas gifts I was carrying when I entered, neither of which were permitted beyond security)!!! So, out we go through security where he takes my cell phones, camera and other personal items. He didn't speak a word of English, so I just had to trust him. After collecting my passport and wallet, I was led to a small conference room where I finally met with the consular and her staff. 

The team at the Embassy were relatively friendly, but somewhat reserved. I guess I was expecting a warmer welcome being amongst fellow Canadians so far from home, especially during the holidays. At times, I felt very alone and also like I knew more about the Canadian DNA testing and immigration procedures than they did. It is very complicated, but simply process that we must adhere to when the baby is born. And it is the most critical step in securing the baby's passport, which will ultimately allow us to leave Panama and return to the USA. Without these documents, we simply can't leave the country, so you can appreciate the anxiety associated with all of this.

Throughout the meeting I maintained my patience and composure which is great practice for the future. This entire journey has taught me great patience, which I believe will help make me an even better parent. But I can assure you that meeting with the Embassy wasn't easy. Canada has very strict laws pertaining to surrogacy and for a few brief minutes I felt like I was being judged, rather than supported by my own country. That might just be my emotions getting the most of me, but my doctors later commented that the US Embassy is much more open to supporting its citizens and the hospital in such cases (GO FIGURE)!

Once the baby is born, the Consular team will attend and witness DNA testing of the baby and I to validate paternity. Once the test has been administered at the hospital, it will be shipped to a lab in Canada for processing and validation. The testing process is complex and must be followed exactly as described to ensure validity and non-tampering. If any part of the test in not completed properly, the results will be deemed inconclusive and we'll be back to the drawing board. The tests are expensive as are the FedEx shipping charges to Canada (nearly $1K combined), so I hope and pray we get it right the first time. Once the results are validated by the lab in Canada (within 5 business days), the Embassy and CIC (Citizenship and Immigration Canada) will be notified. This will trigger the next step in completing citizenship and obtaining the baby's passport. If all goes smoothly, the entire process should take anywhere from 4-5 weeks. Again, we can't leave Panama until all documents are approved and in my hands. Feel free to say a prayer for us when the time comes!

Following my meeting at the embassy, I made my way across the street to the hospital for my meeting with my doctors and Margarita scheduled for 10am. I was a nervous mess, dripping with perspiration from head to toe. I don't know if it was nerves, or the 35 degree temperature and 100% humidity, but I was drenched. The hospital itself, is a beautiful, modern and very clean facility. Many of the staff did not speak English, but fortunately, all of my doctors do, as one is American and the other was educated in California.

The clinic is located on the 6th floor. After a quick trip to the men's room to clean up and cool down, I was on my way with my tummy in a rapid flutter. When I arrived at reception and announced that I was there to see my doctor, Sindy and Dr. Vega, the team behind the desk looked confused. Finally one of the nurses announced: "No, Sénior....Dr. Vega tiene una emergencia"! My Spanish isn't good, but I knew this was a bad sign. My heart sank. It's amazing how panic and nervous thoughts quickly settle in. Here I had flown over 5,000 miles and my doctors weren't available, and no one could really explain what was happening, or if and when I would be seen. Surely this was all just a bad dream. Finally, one of the nurses led me to the waiting area, where she gestured for me to sit, and in broken English said "coffee"? I declined the coffee and sat patiently for 50 minutes and watched Nemo and Dory "just keep swimming" in the reception fish tank. During that time, several pregnant women entered and left the waiting room...one in particular caught my eye.

Eventually one of the nurses came out with a mobile phone announcing Sindy wanted to speak with me. Sindy explained that Dr. Vega had an emergency delivery and things would be delayed until noon. She instructed the nurses to inform me, but I guess the message was lost in translation. Sindy was actually on Christmas vacation but had planned to come into the clinic for my appointment and explained she would see me later. In any event, I was instructed to go meet with the Family Cord Blood clinic on the 1st floor and return to Dr. Vega's office at 12pm for my meeting with Sindy, Dr. Vega and Margarita.  

The meeting with Family Cord Blood clinic was informative but uneventful. We simply discussed the process, storage options, fees and contract terms. Next steps is to obtain a soft copy of the English contract and make a go/no-go decision. I've learned a ton about Cord Blood and Cord Tissue Stem Cell cryropreservation, but have yet to make a final decision on next steps. At this stage, I am learning towards saving the Cord Blood, but have another 9-10 weeks to make a decision. The meeting was short, but only because I had all the information I needed. It was now only 11:15am and with another 45 minutes to kill, I decided to go across the street to the MulitPlaza Mall. WOW is all I can say! If you're an avid shopper and ever come to Panama City, it is a must see, but don't forget your Visa as the shops start with Cartier, Louis Vuitton and the list goes on from there. "Rags to Riches" is the best way to describe Panama City. One minute people are pulling up to the shopping mall valet in their BMWs or Mercedes SUVs, while just 3 blocks away there is a small shanty town where people simply tell you "stay away from that area". I've never seen such disparity. Really makes me appreciate and be thankful for all I have in life.

I arrived back at the clinic promptly at 11:55am (if you know me, you know I am NEVER late) and sat patiently waiting for everyone to arrive. The waiting room was empty except for the same pregnant lady who had been sitting there since just a few minutes after 10am. My mind was racing...could this be Margarita? Remember, up until this time, I've only seen my egg donor, but never images of my surrogate...just a description that included her ethnicity, age, height, weight, and other confidential information, etc.. This beautiful woman sitting next to me fit the description perfectly, including the size of her beautiful 28 week belly. I was instantly overcome with emotion, but what could/should I do? There had yet to be a formal introduction and I knew she didn't speak English, but how could I be 100% certain it was her? My instinct told me it was Margarita and it turns out I was right! She was reluctant to make eye contact with me but I just sat there in a daze, starring at her and the amazing miracle inside of her. I'm sure she was nervous and I was afraid my stares might make her feel uncomfortable as I unsuccessfully fought back tears. Suddenly everything seemed so real and within reach. 

Eventually I had to get up and go to the men's room...time to pull myself together. When I came back 10 minutes later, Margarita was still there and gestured a smile at me. I believe she knew who I was. Another hour passed and more couples came and left, but I was still transfixed on this amazing women sitting so close to me, yet so far away for the past 7 months. At 1pm I asked the nurse for an update. She simply replied "soon". Once again, Margarita and I were alone. I was building the courage to try and communicate with her, but was this outside of protocol? Of course it wasn't, but I struggled over what to do. Eventually, we both sighed for the hundredth time and I simply looked at her, tapped my watch and said "I'm sorry you've had to wait so long". She smiled again and simply said "Gracias". And while she couldn't understand me, I asked her through English and hand gestures if she was hungry, to which she responded "Si". I know this seems trivial, but we were breaking the ice and I was beginning to feel more at ease with her...and hoped she felt the same. I offered to get her something to eat, but unfortunately translation ended there.

Another hour came and went. It is now 2pm and after 4 hours of waiting, Sindy finally arrived as did Dr. Vega. Sindy and I left the waiting room and went to her office where she apologized for the delay. We discussed some personal business, the outcome of my meeting with the Embassy, next steps with respect to the c-section/delivery, post-natal care and finally the process/protocol for today's appointment. She also confirmed my earlier suspicions...the woman sitting next to me for the past few hours was indeed my surrogate, Margarita!

Physically, Margarita was exactly as I expected. She is 34 years old, Panamanian, with long brown hair that she wore in a ponytail. She stands approximately 5'7" and weighs approximately 130 lbs. She is very petite, with light olive skin and beautiful brown features. Her skin was glowing and untouched by make-up or cosmetics of any kind. Her belly wasn't huge but appeared perfectly round supported in her lap with her hands. She appeared very calm, gentle and relaxed.

After a short meeting with Sindy, she led me into Dr. Vega's office where we chatted for a few minutes. Adjacent to Dr. Vega's office was the exam room where Margarita had been taken by one of the nurses. Dr. Vega eventually emerged from the exam room into his office where Sindy conducted formal introductions. Dr. Vega was very professional, caring and welcoming. His English was excellent and he took the time to ask how I was doing and if I was enjoying my first trip to Panama. He explained that both Margarita and the baby are doing fine and then asked if I wanted to meet my little girl? YES!!! I was shaking!

Dr. Vega and Sindy led me into the exam room. It was dark, but very sterile and full of the most modern medical technology I'd ever seen. Margarita was calmly lying on the exam table with her belly exposed and the nurse by her side. Sindy translated and did formal introductions. Margarita smiled as I thanked her repeatedly for all she was doing. I can only imagine how awkward it might have been for her, lying there on the table while Sindy, Dr. Vega and I conversed in English. Both Dr. Vega and Sindy were excellent translating back and forth as Dr. Vega explained the results of the 4D ultrasound. After the nurse prepped Margarita's belly with jelly, we were ready to proceed. Magical is all I can say to describe the feeling in the room. Dr. Vega was very thorough explaining the details of exactly what we was doing in terms of measurements, tests and reading the results. He also took the time to chart every result for me so we could compare the baby against the normal scale. Net result, the baby is perfectly normal and at 28 weeks she now weighs 2lbs 8oz.

Dr. Vega announced it was now time to listen to her heart. Without a doubt, this was the most beautiful and amazing moment of my life. I listened intently while starring at Margarita and her reassuring smile. As tears filled my eyes, she grabbed my hand and placed it on her belly. She said "bebé patea", I had no clue what this meant, but I didn't need too...at that moment I felt the most rambunctious series of kicks ever. As the tears streamed down my face, the only thing I could do was squeeze her hand and repeat "Gracias". I know I was able to convey just how thankful I was. I was very touched by the comfort and support of everyone in the room.

When the exam was over, we all went back to Dr. Vega's office where I handed out Christmas gifts to Sindy, Dr. Vega and Margarita. Everyone seemed very appreciative of the gesture and thanked me. Margarita spoke to Sindy, who turned to me and said, "Margarita asked if it would be okay if she gave you a hug"? I stood there in shock, but so very touched and simply repeated, "yes, yes, yes"! Margarita gave me the greatest and most comforting hug ever. After a gentle kiss on the cheek and another thank you, we were all on our way. I hated to leave, but felt great comfort in the fact that for the first time in 7 months, I had the physical contact I needed with everyone here in Panama and the reassurance that my little girl is getting the best care ever.

I'm missing home, but feeling truly blessed. As always, thanks to everyone for your love, encouragement and support.

Feliz Navidad,
Rob xo 

PS - Here she is. I'm convinced she's puckering up for a kiss!!!

Week 25 - Baby Face

This past Wednesday marked Week 25 of my epic journey to parenthood, and for the very first time, I caught a glimpse of my beautiful daughter's face. While still very tiny, you can see in the photo below, some of her features as well as a tiny hand and fingers that I can hardly wait to hold! In the past 4 weeks, my little peanut has nearly doubled in size and now measures just over 11 inches long and weighs approximately 1.25 pounds. Our next ultrasound is scheduled for December 20th, which I am particularly excited for, as I'll be there in person to meet with my doctors and Margartia (my surrogate). This will be my first trip to Panama since this incredible journey began nearly one year ago.

While I'm anxious for her birth, the weeks now seem to be flying by and I'm keeping busy checking tasks off my list in preparation for her arrival. I was very fortunate to have my parents visit for 2 weeks last month, and during their stay, they were of tremendous assistance in helping me prepare for the baby's arrival. While they were here, we put the final touches on the nursery, including hanging the window treatments and shelving. It was nice to be able to share some of the preparation with them, as up until now, they've had to experience all of this from home on Prince Edward Island. I think being here and seeing things firsthand made everything "official" and they seem quite excited about the arrival of their 2nd granddaughter. Their plan is to come back to Seattle in the spring following our return from Panama City sometime in late March or early April. It means a lot to have their support!

And speaking of support, I'm one step further in securing child care once my little girl comes home. As of today, my plan is to take a 3 month paternity leave from work starting on March 1st. Then starting on June 1st, my dear friend, Irene, has agreed to be my Nanny until September (at which time the baby is enrolled in a school for early childhood development less than 5 minutes from our home). Irene is Swedish and recently moved from Stockholm to be with her husband, Per, who is also a very good friend of mine. In every essence of the word, Irene is a beautiful person, whom I know will take excellent care of my little girl. Throughout my journey, Irene has been a wonderful advocate and of great support. As a mother of 20 year old twin boys born via IVF, she has a great understanding of the path I've taken, and the sacrifices made to have a family. I'm both thrilled and honored that Irene will be here to help us in the months ahead. I know her calm and caring nature will bring even more happiness to our home.

The support I've received from everyone has been overwhelming, and not a single day goes by that I don't stop and give thanks. In addition to this week's ultrasound photos, I also received photos of Margarita, and for the first time, our "baby bump". It was a bit surreal and somewhat emotional to see images of her pregnant belly and the little miracle growing inside of her. Until this week, I had only seen ultrasound images, so this was a pretty momentous occasion. It will be even more meaningful in a few weeks when I will have the first physical contact with her and the opportunity to hopefully feel my baby girl (provided she's active and kicking up a storm)! This will be the only opportunity I have to visit Margarita prior to the delivery, as frequent travel between Seattle and Panama City simply isn't feasible right now. The next time I see Margarita, we'll be in the O/R for the c-section and delivery sometime in late February or early March. At times my mind races about what I will say to her and how I will ever find the right words to express my heartfelt thanks and gratitude for the little miracle that is about to be...