It's been a while since I've updated my blog; apologies. Not only have I updated the content, but I've also improved the design and layout. The previous version was built on Adobe Flash technology which was nothing but a nuisance for everyone. So welcome to my new and improved site and thanks for your patience. Now you can log in and follow updates in real time.
Before I dive in, let me say a huge thank you to everyone who has sent me emails of encouragement and support. Your messages and prayers are very much appreciated, and give me much strength on difficult days (keep em comin). And difficult days have been plenty lately, I'm sorry to report.
After a series of issues, red flags and general concerns, I terminated my relationship with my Surrogate Agency in Los Angeles at the end of January. In tandem, the trip Carolyn and I had painstakingly planned and scheduled was cancelled. So instead of packing for sunny California this evening, I'm writing this update (which does have a happy ending). I don't want to go into all the details over the termination of my previous agency, but let's just say they dropped the ball on several important commitments and promises. I was warned by many that this process would be an emotional roller coaster with many ups and downs...boy were they right! On a positive note, I'm thankful to have identified the concerns with the team in L.A. early in the process, rather than later when more time, emotional and financial investment had been made.
Now...onto the good news...
I've found a new IVF Clinic, not an agency, but an actual clinic where I have direct access to the Fertility Doctor and her team of specialists (no more agencies). The clinic specializes in IVF treatment and is an affiliate of the Johns Hopkins network of hospitals. The clinic is based in Panama City and is comprised of a number of medical doctors with extensive experience in fertility and IVF procedures. My doctor studied Obstetrics and Gynecology at the University of California, where she graduated in 1999. In 2005 she also completed specialty training in Reproductive Medicine at Stanford University School of Medicine. And in 2006, completed a fellowship at Stanford University in In Vitro Fertilization laboratory and embryology. Suffice to say, I am dealing directly with an expert team, which gives me great hope and a strong feeling of reassurance.
In addition to clinical services, the hospital in Panama also provides access to a database of egg donors and surrogates. Why Panama you ask? They have leading-edge IVF technology and expertise, which is available at a fraction of the cost of similar services here in the U.S. Just to give you some perspective, the cost of this procedure in the U.S. (given my scenario) is approximately $160,000 - $200,000. Panama is roughly half that amount, which is why so many Canadians and Americans are seeking fertility treatment abroad. Again, we can never put a price on the life of our child, but unfortunately we all have limitations when it comes to budget.
In 4 short weeks, I've had extensive conversation with my doctor, Sindy. Our initial conference call lasted nearly 2 hours during which time we conducted personal interviews of one another. Unlike my previous agency, Sindy was very forthcoming with information, including potential risks associated with the entire process. Her goal is to help me create and then deliver a healthy child. She was very clear about that. Not once during our conversation did she mention fees, invoices or payment terms. The entire team in Panama seems very much committed to my needs and the healthcare of everyone involved in My Journey.
In late January, I was fortunate enough to befriend a member of a gay couple in Calgary who have been working with Sindy and her team for several months. Their reference and endorsement was very positive, and I'm happy to report that they celebrated Week 13 of their pregnancy this week. In a very short time, we've become cyber-confidants and friends, for which I'm grateful and gain much strength. Having support of others who have been through this process is a tremendous advantage, and hearing stories about the development and health of their unborn child gives me additional confidence in Sindy and her team.
With that said, I've chosen an amazing young woman as an egg donor and will soon commence the IVF process using her donated eggs and my sperm to create embryos for transfer to a Surrogate. For privacy reasons, I can share limited information about my donor. But I can assure you that she's very healthy, well-educated, has an above average IQ and is emotionally and psychologically stable. I've received medical records and official test scores to validate all of her personal information, including a detailed genetic profile. She's a native of Colombia, so physically, she is very attractive with dark hair and a beautiful complexion. More importantly, she has donated her eggs on 3 prior occasions, resulting in 2 pregnancies and 2 healthy babies. I feel fortunate to have found her.
With respect to the Surrogate, the process and laws in Panama are very different than here in the U.S. The doctors in Panama are responsible for recruiting the Surrogate. Naturally, there are a series of medical guidelines and tests that they must adhere to when selecting a Surrogate, but ultimately recruitment and selection is their responsibility. I will have the opportunity to meet my Surrogate, but not until our first ultrasound (fingers crossed). If the embryo transfer results in a successful pregnancy, I am legally able, welcome and encouraged to attend any ultrasound appointment. And as previously discussed, I would be present for a scheduled c-section at 37 weeks, unless of course there should happen to be multiple births (e.g. twins)! But I shouldn't get ahead of myself.
Next step in the process is a trip to Boston in early April where I will spend a week working with one of the leading fertility specialists in the United States. Over the course of 5 days, I will have 3 visits to the doctor where they will collect my sperm for analysis, sperm selection and cyropreservation. Essentially they will take 3 sperm samples from which they will genetically select the best quality of sperm and then freeze them. The frozen sperm will be carefully placed in a special....we'll call it "cooler" for international shipping to Panama. I could travel to Panama for this procedure, but the doctors in Boston are some of the best in the world at selecting sperm. To give you some perspective, I have roughly 87 million sperm to chose from; some are very high quality, others not so much. Using advanced technology, the doctors in Boston will isolate and select the best sperm for use in the IVF process. And while there are no guarantees for successful fertilization and pregnancy, this procedure will increase the probability significantly. Isn't technology amazing?!
Based on a conversation with my doctor in Panama today, IVF could be attempted as soon as May 1st. Suffice to say, I'm very pleased with the progress made in 4 short weeks, and look forward to reporting more success stories in the weeks and months to come. Thanks for tuning in...plenty more Baby Steps to come.
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Friday, February 17, 2012
My Journey
As previously posted, this entire process is quite complex, and while I'm certainly not an expert, I will attempt to break it down given my experience and knowledge to date. Having successfully selected a Surrogate Agency, my journey now takes a huge leap forward. In chronological order (and to the best of my knowledge), the process looks something like this. STEP: 1) Male Fertility Examination 2) Egg Donor Selection 3) Surrogate Selection 4) Fertility Treatment for Egg Donor 5) IVF 6) Fertility Treatment for Surrogate 7)Transfer of Embryos to Surrogate 8) Confirmed Pregnancy and 9) Labor and Delivery by Scheduled C-Section at 37 Weeks (unless there are multiple births)!
On January 9th, I underwent my Male Fertility Exam at the University of Washington Male Fertility Clinic. Quite an experience! The primary purpose of this exam was to complete a detailed analysis of my sperm to assess overall fertility. After registration and 30 minutes in the waiting room, I was lead down a long corridor by my nurse, where we eventually entered a very normal looking and sterile examination room; “normal”, all except for the TV, DVD Player and selection of reading material. After some brief instruction, the nurse handed me a copy of Hustler magazine and the remote control for the TV/DVD player, and wished me luck. “Hustler”, I thought….“Clearly they don’t know their clientele”! Anyway, we'll fast forward through the detail, but suffice to say, I had a successful first exam, and preliminary results are normal with a brief follow-up visit scheduled for later next month.
In tandem with my Fertility Exam, I've been working with my agency to review potential egg donor profiles. While this exercise is completed mainly online, I can assure you it is not an “online shopping” experience. Each potential egg donor is processed through a very thorough psychological and physical exam, including family medical history and substance testing. The amount of data published about each potential donor is staggering. From eye color, to height, weight, education, complete medical history and favorite foods, etc., no stone is left unturned. Of course, the identity of the women is strictly anonymous, with the exception of photos and a first name. And while contact with the egg donor is managed strictly by the agency, some egg donors will agree to meet with a prospective parent(s). I mention this because it is my intention to follow this process.
Every individual in search of an egg donor has a number of criteria they wish to review. And while every case is unique and deeply personal, I intend to base my decision on the following: age, medical history, proven fertility (if applicable), current health status, education and ethnicity. I do realize that this process is viewed by many as controversial, but at the end of the day, I have to select a single egg donor and I intend to do so based on criteria that are most important to me. But how can one decide from an online profile alone? I can't! Which is why I am flying to Los Angeles the first weekend of March to meet two (and possibly a third) egg donors whom I've pre-selected to interview. Our meetings were finally confirmed last night, which is my exciting news for this week (I've been waiting for 4 weeks)!!!! The other important and exciting component to this trip is that one of my best friends in the world will be joining me from Halifax, Nova Scotia. Carolyn Townsend has graciously agreed to take time away from work, her husband and two small children to support me through this process. I know Carolyn will be of great support and will help ensure that I don't make a decision based on emotion, but rather one based on fact. What a tremendous gift this will be to have my “bestie” by my side!
In LA, Carolyn and I will have an opportunity to meet each potential donor in an informal and casual setting. Our meeting will be just as important to the egg donor, as it is to me. And at the end of the day, she is under no contractual obligation to enter into an agreement with me. In fact, if she is not 100% comfortable donating her eggs to me, that is her right, which I will naturally respect. So while there are no guarantees on the outcome of our trip, it is another Baby Step in my journey to parenthood and one that I am very excited about!
On January 9th, I underwent my Male Fertility Exam at the University of Washington Male Fertility Clinic. Quite an experience! The primary purpose of this exam was to complete a detailed analysis of my sperm to assess overall fertility. After registration and 30 minutes in the waiting room, I was lead down a long corridor by my nurse, where we eventually entered a very normal looking and sterile examination room; “normal”, all except for the TV, DVD Player and selection of reading material. After some brief instruction, the nurse handed me a copy of Hustler magazine and the remote control for the TV/DVD player, and wished me luck. “Hustler”, I thought….“Clearly they don’t know their clientele”! Anyway, we'll fast forward through the detail, but suffice to say, I had a successful first exam, and preliminary results are normal with a brief follow-up visit scheduled for later next month.
In tandem with my Fertility Exam, I've been working with my agency to review potential egg donor profiles. While this exercise is completed mainly online, I can assure you it is not an “online shopping” experience. Each potential egg donor is processed through a very thorough psychological and physical exam, including family medical history and substance testing. The amount of data published about each potential donor is staggering. From eye color, to height, weight, education, complete medical history and favorite foods, etc., no stone is left unturned. Of course, the identity of the women is strictly anonymous, with the exception of photos and a first name. And while contact with the egg donor is managed strictly by the agency, some egg donors will agree to meet with a prospective parent(s). I mention this because it is my intention to follow this process.
Every individual in search of an egg donor has a number of criteria they wish to review. And while every case is unique and deeply personal, I intend to base my decision on the following: age, medical history, proven fertility (if applicable), current health status, education and ethnicity. I do realize that this process is viewed by many as controversial, but at the end of the day, I have to select a single egg donor and I intend to do so based on criteria that are most important to me. But how can one decide from an online profile alone? I can't! Which is why I am flying to Los Angeles the first weekend of March to meet two (and possibly a third) egg donors whom I've pre-selected to interview. Our meetings were finally confirmed last night, which is my exciting news for this week (I've been waiting for 4 weeks)!!!! The other important and exciting component to this trip is that one of my best friends in the world will be joining me from Halifax, Nova Scotia. Carolyn Townsend has graciously agreed to take time away from work, her husband and two small children to support me through this process. I know Carolyn will be of great support and will help ensure that I don't make a decision based on emotion, but rather one based on fact. What a tremendous gift this will be to have my “bestie” by my side!
In LA, Carolyn and I will have an opportunity to meet each potential donor in an informal and casual setting. Our meeting will be just as important to the egg donor, as it is to me. And at the end of the day, she is under no contractual obligation to enter into an agreement with me. In fact, if she is not 100% comfortable donating her eggs to me, that is her right, which I will naturally respect. So while there are no guarantees on the outcome of our trip, it is another Baby Step in my journey to parenthood and one that I am very excited about!
My Journey
So with my mind made up last July, I started to make phone calls and send emails to countless surrogate agencies in the US, Canada and several other countries around the world. That process in and of itself was daunting, complex and confusing, as everyone I spoke to seemed to have a different perspective or provided me with slightly different information. Before I go further, some people are probably asking why surrogacy and why not adoption? Good question, for which there are many answers. Some are deeply personal, others are more matter of fact, and believe it or not, some pertain to my current US immigration status. On a personal level, I believe most of us have the desire to create life from scratch; to take our own unique seed or DNA, and create new life blessed with our unique genetic profile. And while I agree that there are many children in the world in need of a loving home, my personal dream has always been to create a child with that unique biological connection to me. Some may call that a selfish curse, but how bad could another “little Robbie” be? If I was in a traditional heterosexual relationship and wanting to start a family, I honestly believe that most people wouldn’t ask that question, but being gay, I believe that some people feel I should be naturally inclined to adopt, after all, “surrogacy isn’t natural, Rob”. From a more practical perspective, the reality is adoption can be just as difficult, litigious and expensive for a single, gay man, especially here in the United States where I sit in the basement of the priority totem pole. For me, gestational surrogacy seemed the most natural and logical course of action, and so I set my sights on those agencies, doctors, fertility clinics and hospitals specializing in this practice, of which there are HUNDREDS!!!
Surrogacy laws vary around the world like the colors of the rainbow (couldn’t resist the symbolism). Naturally, being Canadian, I thought Canada might be a good place to start. And it seemed so practical from a health care perspective as well. Turns out…not so much! Surrogacy in Canada is very difficult and is governed with a very complex set of legal guidelines. Most pertain to compensation for the surrogate, which by the way, is illegal in Canada. I won’t go into all the nuances of Canadian Surrogacy laws, but if you’re interested, there’s plenty to read online. The reality is that the majority of Canadians now seeking surrogacy migrate south to the US, where the laws are still complex, but support compensation for the surrogate. Personally, I don’t know how we can put a price tag on surrogacy. Any woman willing to give that gift deserves a medal from Oprah, or someone almighty (is there anyone almightier than Oprah?). All joking aside, what’s the value of surrogacy in US currency? I honestly can’t answer that, but I can tell you that the national average is approximately $30,000-$40,000. Is this fair? I don’t know, but I can tell you the total price tag for this type of procedure can range anywhere between $120K - $200K. If I could give someone this gift, I like to think that I would do it as a good gesture donation. However, I do believe that compensation is fair, but remains controversial. After all, we CAN NOT but a price on a human life. If I’m fortunate enough to find a woman who will carry my child to term, I will feel indebted to her for life, and I can assure you that there is no amount of money that could ever repay that debt.
After three months of communication, inquiries, correspondence and conversations with family and my closest friends, I have entered into a tentative agreement with an international surrogate agency based in Los Angeles. All agencies are different, but in many cases, and to simplify things, they serve as a broker; providing access to medical resources such as IVF (in vitro fertilization – the process by which egg cells are fertilized by sperm outside the body), egg donor databases, surrogate databases, labor and delivery, post-natal care, and case management. My agency has been providing surrogacy services since 2003 and is registered with an A- rating with the Better Business Bureau of the United States. This gives me a great sense of confidence and peace of mind that I am engaging with an organization that serves the best interests of all parties (mine, the egg donor and surrogate). Another baby step...
Surrogacy laws vary around the world like the colors of the rainbow (couldn’t resist the symbolism). Naturally, being Canadian, I thought Canada might be a good place to start. And it seemed so practical from a health care perspective as well. Turns out…not so much! Surrogacy in Canada is very difficult and is governed with a very complex set of legal guidelines. Most pertain to compensation for the surrogate, which by the way, is illegal in Canada. I won’t go into all the nuances of Canadian Surrogacy laws, but if you’re interested, there’s plenty to read online. The reality is that the majority of Canadians now seeking surrogacy migrate south to the US, where the laws are still complex, but support compensation for the surrogate. Personally, I don’t know how we can put a price tag on surrogacy. Any woman willing to give that gift deserves a medal from Oprah, or someone almighty (is there anyone almightier than Oprah?). All joking aside, what’s the value of surrogacy in US currency? I honestly can’t answer that, but I can tell you that the national average is approximately $30,000-$40,000. Is this fair? I don’t know, but I can tell you the total price tag for this type of procedure can range anywhere between $120K - $200K. If I could give someone this gift, I like to think that I would do it as a good gesture donation. However, I do believe that compensation is fair, but remains controversial. After all, we CAN NOT but a price on a human life. If I’m fortunate enough to find a woman who will carry my child to term, I will feel indebted to her for life, and I can assure you that there is no amount of money that could ever repay that debt.
After three months of communication, inquiries, correspondence and conversations with family and my closest friends, I have entered into a tentative agreement with an international surrogate agency based in Los Angeles. All agencies are different, but in many cases, and to simplify things, they serve as a broker; providing access to medical resources such as IVF (in vitro fertilization – the process by which egg cells are fertilized by sperm outside the body), egg donor databases, surrogate databases, labor and delivery, post-natal care, and case management. My agency has been providing surrogacy services since 2003 and is registered with an A- rating with the Better Business Bureau of the United States. This gives me a great sense of confidence and peace of mind that I am engaging with an organization that serves the best interests of all parties (mine, the egg donor and surrogate). Another baby step...
My Journey
Like most people, my journey through life has taken many twists and turns, ups and downs, highs and lows; none of which I'll ever regret. Since I was a young boy, I've often dreamt and romanticized what it would be like to one day become a father. This blog is about my journey to fulfill that lifelong dream and to share my experience with the friends and family in my life, who matter most. And like all of our journeys in life, this won't be simple, but I thank you in advance for your encouragement and support.
I've chosen the title "Baby Steps" for several reasons. First off being irony, but second, it is indicative of the journey I have recently begun. As the old adage goes...before we can run, we must walk, and before we can walk, we must crawl, and before we can crawl, we must be born...(or something like that). My goal over the next 12-18 months is to give life to my own biological child, one baby step at a time.
Over the coming weeks and months, I will share my experience as a single, gay man entering into the greatest decision and journey of my life. And while this process provides no guarantee for a successful outcome, I will endeavor to maintain a positive and optimistic outlook on my journey to become a father. Thanks for joining me!
While growing up with 2 older siblings and a massive extended family (my Mom is 1 of 14 children) was very much a blessing, I've always longed for a little bit more. I often recall tugging on Mom's pant-leg or apron strings as we baked in the kitchen on Birchill Drive, asking when I would one day have a younger brother. Why a brother? I'm not quite sure, but suspect I was already content having 2 sisters and a large colony of female first cousins who were also pseudo sisters.
I was 5 or 6 years old when my cousin, April, was born. The day my Auntie Janice was released from the hospital, she and my Uncle Stephen dropped newborn April off at the house for my Mom to babysit while they ran a few errands in town before heading to "the country" (looking back, it was PEI, it is ALL country). Anyway, when April arrived, my Mom told me she was my new baby brother!!! Screw Cloud 9, is there a Cloud 100? If so, I was on it! Looking back, the pink blanket should have been a clue that April was yet another "girl" (who I love to pieces, btw). But much to my disappoinment, turns out she was neither a boy, nor my new baby brother. I quickly realized that when the stork (or in this case, the Crane) came back and took her home. I was devastated! Now before you send my Mother hate mail for a harmless little joke, please know I'm over it and quickly forgave her. After all, she is the best mother I've ever known. And those of you who know Barbie, will likely agree.
While April had moved on to the bright lights of Pisquid, my journey continued...
Fast forward to high school and my part-time job at the Quik Pik (a neighborhood convenience store). Like most kids in high school, my hormones consumed me and ran wild, and while I was never confused about my sexual orientation, growing up in small town PEI didn't afford me the liberties of an overtly progressive community. This is not intended as a slight against PEI or its population (I'm very proud of my Island heritage), but it was a reality of growing up there. Let's just say that diversity wasn't in the PEI dictionary back then. Anyway, I remember the set up at the Quik Pik like it was yesterday. Next to the cash register was a candy counter, full of bazooka bubble gum, sour patch kids, candy cigarettes, black licorice pipes, pixie sticks, hockey cards, you name it (when I think back, why didn't they have curling cards? lol). And while I loved the candy, I was always more interested in the Gerber Baby University Savings Program brochure on the top shelf. I read that brochure every shift and often day-dreamed about one day having my own child and saving pennies for his college fund. I even went as far as calling to open an account one day, but was told I needed to have a child in order to do that. I was pissed, but vowed then and there that I would one day make that call.
Coming out was another huge journey in and of itself, and while I'll spare you the details (thanks to a loving and supportive family and network of close friends there was no "drama" to report...sorry), I can tell you it was a significant milestone in my life for which I am truly grateful and proud. However, at the time, I didn't give a whole lot of thought about becoming a parent one day. On the contrary, I think my self-acceptance almost gave me permission to forget that dream. Or was I under the impression or influence that gay men simply couldn't or didn't want to have children? Either way, I guess I subconsciously agreed to park my dream. Or did I?
Being out and starting to openly date, I remember asking any prospective date or suitor his thoughts about kids or having a family. I'd say that 8 times out of 10, I'd get "the look" or "hell no" response, but every now and again I'd meet friends or acquaintances with a different opinion, which I always found refreshing.
A little over a year ago, I was attending a friend's brunch in Seattle, when I met a local gay couple who after 2 years of attempting pregnancy with a traditional surrogate were "expecting" (Side bar: there are 2 types of surrogates; traditional and gestational. Traditional = a female who donates her egg(s), which is fertilized either through IVF or insemination. She carries and delivers the child and is the biological mother. Gestational = the egg donor is independent of the surrogate. The egg is fertilized via IVF then transferred to the surrogate, who carries and delivers the child, but has no biological connection to the child).
I remember that day like yesterday....a light bulb went off and within hours I'd compiled a million gigs of research. Incidentally, that couple welcomed their baby boy into this world on November 23rd, 2011. He's healthy, handsome, loved and blessed to have 2 great Dads! I was overwhelmed with emotion and tears when I read his birth announcement.
Ultimately, my research informed me that I would be in for a long, litigious, complicated, emotional and expensive 6-figure journey, if I chose to take a leap of faith. After months (or arguably years) of consideration, I've decided to dive in head first!
I've chosen the title "Baby Steps" for several reasons. First off being irony, but second, it is indicative of the journey I have recently begun. As the old adage goes...before we can run, we must walk, and before we can walk, we must crawl, and before we can crawl, we must be born...(or something like that). My goal over the next 12-18 months is to give life to my own biological child, one baby step at a time.
Over the coming weeks and months, I will share my experience as a single, gay man entering into the greatest decision and journey of my life. And while this process provides no guarantee for a successful outcome, I will endeavor to maintain a positive and optimistic outlook on my journey to become a father. Thanks for joining me!
While growing up with 2 older siblings and a massive extended family (my Mom is 1 of 14 children) was very much a blessing, I've always longed for a little bit more. I often recall tugging on Mom's pant-leg or apron strings as we baked in the kitchen on Birchill Drive, asking when I would one day have a younger brother. Why a brother? I'm not quite sure, but suspect I was already content having 2 sisters and a large colony of female first cousins who were also pseudo sisters.
I was 5 or 6 years old when my cousin, April, was born. The day my Auntie Janice was released from the hospital, she and my Uncle Stephen dropped newborn April off at the house for my Mom to babysit while they ran a few errands in town before heading to "the country" (looking back, it was PEI, it is ALL country). Anyway, when April arrived, my Mom told me she was my new baby brother!!! Screw Cloud 9, is there a Cloud 100? If so, I was on it! Looking back, the pink blanket should have been a clue that April was yet another "girl" (who I love to pieces, btw). But much to my disappoinment, turns out she was neither a boy, nor my new baby brother. I quickly realized that when the stork (or in this case, the Crane) came back and took her home. I was devastated! Now before you send my Mother hate mail for a harmless little joke, please know I'm over it and quickly forgave her. After all, she is the best mother I've ever known. And those of you who know Barbie, will likely agree.
While April had moved on to the bright lights of Pisquid, my journey continued...
Fast forward to high school and my part-time job at the Quik Pik (a neighborhood convenience store). Like most kids in high school, my hormones consumed me and ran wild, and while I was never confused about my sexual orientation, growing up in small town PEI didn't afford me the liberties of an overtly progressive community. This is not intended as a slight against PEI or its population (I'm very proud of my Island heritage), but it was a reality of growing up there. Let's just say that diversity wasn't in the PEI dictionary back then. Anyway, I remember the set up at the Quik Pik like it was yesterday. Next to the cash register was a candy counter, full of bazooka bubble gum, sour patch kids, candy cigarettes, black licorice pipes, pixie sticks, hockey cards, you name it (when I think back, why didn't they have curling cards? lol). And while I loved the candy, I was always more interested in the Gerber Baby University Savings Program brochure on the top shelf. I read that brochure every shift and often day-dreamed about one day having my own child and saving pennies for his college fund. I even went as far as calling to open an account one day, but was told I needed to have a child in order to do that. I was pissed, but vowed then and there that I would one day make that call.
Coming out was another huge journey in and of itself, and while I'll spare you the details (thanks to a loving and supportive family and network of close friends there was no "drama" to report...sorry), I can tell you it was a significant milestone in my life for which I am truly grateful and proud. However, at the time, I didn't give a whole lot of thought about becoming a parent one day. On the contrary, I think my self-acceptance almost gave me permission to forget that dream. Or was I under the impression or influence that gay men simply couldn't or didn't want to have children? Either way, I guess I subconsciously agreed to park my dream. Or did I?
Being out and starting to openly date, I remember asking any prospective date or suitor his thoughts about kids or having a family. I'd say that 8 times out of 10, I'd get "the look" or "hell no" response, but every now and again I'd meet friends or acquaintances with a different opinion, which I always found refreshing.
A little over a year ago, I was attending a friend's brunch in Seattle, when I met a local gay couple who after 2 years of attempting pregnancy with a traditional surrogate were "expecting" (Side bar: there are 2 types of surrogates; traditional and gestational. Traditional = a female who donates her egg(s), which is fertilized either through IVF or insemination. She carries and delivers the child and is the biological mother. Gestational = the egg donor is independent of the surrogate. The egg is fertilized via IVF then transferred to the surrogate, who carries and delivers the child, but has no biological connection to the child).
I remember that day like yesterday....a light bulb went off and within hours I'd compiled a million gigs of research. Incidentally, that couple welcomed their baby boy into this world on November 23rd, 2011. He's healthy, handsome, loved and blessed to have 2 great Dads! I was overwhelmed with emotion and tears when I read his birth announcement.
Ultimately, my research informed me that I would be in for a long, litigious, complicated, emotional and expensive 6-figure journey, if I chose to take a leap of faith. After months (or arguably years) of consideration, I've decided to dive in head first!
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