Week 21...

Three days into Week 21 and I feel no less anxious then I did at Week 6, but every bit as excited! I'm starting to believe that the nervous energy will not taper off for quite some time...but when? I'm guessing a life time. The last 24 hours were particularly stressful waiting for results from yesterday's ultrasound. The good news is that everything with the baby is normal and she is developing exactly as expected. At 20 weeks and 3 days, she weighs about 10 ounces and is roughly 6 inches long from head to bottom, and about 10 inches from head to heal. Up until 20 weeks she was always measured from head to bottom, but now all future measurements will be provided from head to heal...who knew?

My little peanut has finally reached the size of a banana, but I still like to refer to her as 'peanut'...my 'big banana' just sounds wrong. If 'little peanut' offends anyone, or makes you feel hungry, I apologize, but it takes me back to a very special day when I saw the very first image of this little miracle. It's been an amazing journey to follow her development over the past few months and see her mature from a single cell to a 10 ounce baby girl. Somebody pinch me!

Like all experiences in life, we face highs and lows and yesterday was no exception. In a nutshell, the day was a series of failed communications and errors as my lead doctor, Sindy, was out of the office attending a seminar. We had been in touch earlier in the week with respect to yesterday's ultrasound and she had assured me that Dr. Vega would provide her with a timely update from the ultrasound appointment at 12pm PST, and a lab technician would be emailing me the ultrasound photos shortly thereafter (there is a 2 hour time difference between Seattle and Panama City and I normally receive results by 3pm PST). But when 5pm PST came and went with no phone call, email and an out-of-office response from my doctor, my mind automatically switched to overdrive and concern. And then finally at 5:30pm, the email I had been waiting for arrived. But no...wait, the technician mistakenly sent the ultrasound images and report from last month dated 9/24/12. My heart sank with disappointment as I feared I might now have to wait until next week for an update. In the end, it was about 30 minutes later when I received the email and correct ultrasound photos that I had been anxiously awaiting.

And at the end of the day, I was full of joy and happiness with the results. But imagine for just one minute being in my position. I accept the fact that a 2-3 hour delay might not seem like a big deal to anyone reading this, but it felt like a lifetime to me. One of the most difficult things for me to deal with during this journey to parenthood is distance. Imagine your child growing in the womb of a complete stranger. You can't see her, you can't speak to her to ask her how she is feeling, you can't rub her back or hold her hand to comfort her. And by the way, she lives over 5,000 miles away. Some days the distance really hurts, and while I refuse to let it get the best of me, delays in monthly communications manage to have a profound impact on my emotions. The reassurance that everyone is okay for another 4 weeks seems to lift the weight of the world from my shoulders.

Today was a new day, and like every other day throughout this journey, I remind myself how lucky I am for the little miracle on her way and for the love and support we've received from so many of you. And last weekend in Calgary was no exception...

I was fortunate to have the opportunity to spend the afternoon with my friend, Brad, his partner, Daniel, and their son, Layton. Layton was born via their Panamanian Surrogate on August 16th and he is one of the most beautiful babies I have ever seen. More importantly, he is healthy and home safe and sound with his Dads after a long journey from Panama. It was wonderful to finally meet Brad and Daniel in person and learn first-hand about their experience. From the details of Layton's delivery to their saga with the Canadian Embassy and Canadian Immigration, I learned a tremendous amount about the road ahead and some of the experiences I will need to manage following my daughter's birth. Brad and Daniel clearly helped set expectations, which is sometimes lacking through communication with my doctors. I don't think it is from a lack of caring or empathy on the part of my doctors, they simply aren't well-enough versed in the immigration laws of the countless countries their patients represent. Learning from Brad and Daniel's experiences and best practices will serve me well in the end, and I am beyond grateful for their support and friendship.

Our next ultrasound is scheduled for November 27th. In the meantime, I will continue to draw strength from the outpouring of support I receive from so many of you. As always, thanks for your love, encouragement and support.

Rob (+1 below)