My Journey

So with my mind made up last July, I started to make phone calls and send emails to countless surrogate agencies in the US, Canada and several other countries around the world. That process in and of itself was daunting, complex and confusing, as everyone I spoke to seemed to have a different perspective or provided me with slightly different information. Before I go further, some people are probably asking why surrogacy and why not adoption? Good question, for which there are many answers. Some are deeply personal, others are more matter of fact, and believe it or not, some pertain to my current US immigration status. On a personal level, I believe most of us have the desire to create life from scratch; to take our own unique seed or DNA, and create new life blessed with our unique genetic profile. And while I agree that there are many children in the world in need of a loving home, my personal dream has always been to create a child with that unique biological connection to me. Some may call that a selfish curse, but how bad could another “little Robbie” be? If I was in a traditional heterosexual relationship and wanting to start a family, I honestly believe that most people wouldn’t ask that question, but being gay, I believe that some people feel I should be naturally inclined to adopt, after all, “surrogacy isn’t natural, Rob”. From a more practical perspective, the reality is adoption can be just as difficult, litigious and expensive for a single, gay man, especially here in the United States where I sit in the basement of the priority totem pole. For me, gestational surrogacy seemed the most natural and logical course of action, and so I set my sights on those agencies, doctors, fertility clinics and hospitals specializing in this practice, of which there are HUNDREDS!!!

Surrogacy laws vary around the world like the colors of the rainbow (couldn’t resist the symbolism). Naturally, being Canadian, I thought Canada might be a good place to start. And it seemed so practical from a health care perspective as well. Turns out…not so much! Surrogacy in Canada is very difficult and is governed with a very complex set of legal guidelines. Most pertain to compensation for the surrogate, which by the way, is illegal in Canada. I won’t go into all the nuances of Canadian Surrogacy laws, but if you’re interested, there’s plenty to read online. The reality is that the majority of Canadians now seeking surrogacy migrate south to the US, where the laws are still complex, but support compensation for the surrogate. Personally, I don’t know how we can put a price tag on surrogacy. Any woman willing to give that gift deserves a medal from Oprah, or someone almighty (is there anyone almightier than Oprah?). All joking aside, what’s the value of surrogacy in US currency? I honestly can’t answer that, but I can tell you that the national average is approximately $30,000-$40,000.  Is this fair? I don’t know, but I can tell you the total price tag for this type of procedure can range anywhere between $120K - $200K. If I could give someone this gift, I like to think that I would do it as a good gesture donation. However, I do believe that compensation is fair, but remains controversial. After all, we CAN NOT but a price on a human life. If I’m fortunate enough to find a woman who will carry my child to term, I will feel indebted to her for life, and I can assure you that there is no amount of money that could ever repay that debt.

After three months of communication, inquiries, correspondence and conversations with family and my closest friends, I have entered into a tentative agreement with an international surrogate agency based in Los Angeles. All agencies are different, but in many cases, and to simplify things, they serve as a broker; providing access to medical resources such as IVF (in vitro fertilization – the process by which egg cells are fertilized by sperm outside the body), egg donor databases, surrogate databases, labor and delivery, post-natal care, and case management. My agency has been providing surrogacy services since 2003 and is registered with an A- rating with the Better Business Bureau of the United States. This gives me a great sense of confidence and peace of mind that I am engaging with an organization that serves the best interests of all parties (mine, the egg donor and surrogate). Another baby step...