My Journey

Like most people, my journey through life has taken many twists and turns, ups and downs, highs and lows; none of which I'll ever regret. Since I was a young boy, I've often dreamt and romanticized what it would be like to one day become a father. This blog is about my journey to fulfill that lifelong dream and to share my experience with the friends and family in my life, who matter most. And like all of our journeys in life, this won't be simple, but I thank you in advance for your encouragement and support.

I've chosen the title "Baby Steps" for several reasons. First off being irony, but second, it is indicative of the journey I have recently begun. As the old adage goes...before we can run, we must walk, and before we can walk, we must crawl, and before we can crawl, we must be born...(or something like that). My goal over the next 12-18 months is to give life to my own biological child, one baby step at a time.

Over the coming weeks and months, I will share my experience as a single, gay man entering into the greatest decision and journey of my life. And while this process provides no guarantee for a successful outcome, I will endeavor to maintain a positive and optimistic outlook on my journey to become a father. Thanks for joining me!

While growing up with 2 older siblings and a massive extended family (my Mom is 1 of 14 children) was very much a blessing, I've always longed for a little bit more. I often recall tugging on Mom's pant-leg or apron strings as we baked in the kitchen on Birchill Drive, asking when I would one day have a younger brother. Why a brother? I'm not quite sure, but suspect I was already content having 2 sisters and a large colony of female first cousins who were also pseudo sisters.

I was 5 or 6 years old when my cousin, April, was born. The day my Auntie Janice was released from the hospital, she and my Uncle Stephen dropped newborn April off at the house for my Mom to babysit while they ran a few errands in town before heading to "the country" (looking back, it was PEI, it is ALL country). Anyway, when April arrived, my Mom told me she was my new baby brother!!! Screw Cloud 9, is there a Cloud 100? If so, I was on it! Looking back, the pink blanket should have been a clue that April was yet another "girl" (who I love to pieces, btw). But much to my disappoinment, turns out she was neither a boy, nor my new baby brother. I quickly realized that when the stork (or in this case, the Crane) came back and took her home. I was devastated! Now before you send my Mother hate mail for a harmless little joke, please know I'm over it and quickly forgave her. After all, she is the best mother I've ever known. And those of you who know Barbie, will likely agree.

While April had moved on to the bright lights of Pisquid, my journey continued...

Fast forward to high school and my part-time job at the Quik Pik (a neighborhood convenience store). Like most kids in high school, my hormones consumed me and ran wild, and while I was never confused about my sexual orientation, growing up in small town PEI didn't afford me the liberties of an overtly progressive community. This is not intended as a slight against PEI or its population (I'm very proud of my Island heritage), but it was a reality of growing up there. Let's just say that diversity wasn't in the PEI dictionary back then. Anyway, I remember the set up at the Quik Pik like it was yesterday. Next to the cash register was a candy counter, full of bazooka bubble gum, sour patch kids, candy cigarettes, black licorice pipes, pixie sticks, hockey cards, you name it (when I think back, why didn't they have curling cards? lol). And while I loved the candy, I was always more interested in the Gerber Baby University Savings Program brochure on the top shelf. I read that brochure every shift and often day-dreamed about one day having my own child and saving pennies for his college fund. I even went as far as calling to open an account one day, but was told I needed to have a child in order to do that. I was pissed, but vowed then and there that I would one day make that call. 

Coming out was another huge journey in and of itself, and while I'll spare you the details (thanks to a loving and supportive family and network of close friends there was no "drama" to report...sorry), I can tell you it was a significant milestone in my life for which I am truly grateful and proud. However, at the time, I didn't give a whole lot of thought about becoming a parent one day. On the contrary, I think my self-acceptance almost gave me permission to forget that dream. Or was I under the impression or influence that gay men simply couldn't or didn't want to have children? Either way, I guess I subconsciously agreed to park my dream. Or did I?

Being out and starting to openly date, I remember asking any prospective date or suitor his thoughts about kids or having a family. I'd say that 8 times out of 10, I'd get "the look" or "hell no" response, but every now and again I'd meet friends or acquaintances with a different opinion, which I always found refreshing.

A little over a year ago, I was attending a friend's brunch in Seattle, when I met a local gay couple who after 2 years of attempting pregnancy with a traditional surrogate were "expecting" (Side bar: there are 2 types of surrogates; traditional and gestational. Traditional = a female who donates her egg(s), which is fertilized either through IVF or insemination. She carries and delivers the child and is the biological mother. Gestational = the egg donor is independent of the surrogate. The egg is fertilized via IVF then transferred to the surrogate, who carries and delivers the child, but has no biological connection to the child). 

I remember that day like yesterday....a light bulb went off and within hours I'd compiled a million gigs of research. Incidentally, that couple welcomed their baby boy into this world on November 23rd, 2011. He's healthy, handsome, loved and blessed to have 2 great Dads! I was overwhelmed with emotion and tears when I read his birth announcement.

Ultimately, my research informed me that I would be in for a long, litigious, complicated, emotional and expensive 6-figure journey, if I chose to take a leap of faith. After months (or arguably years) of consideration, I've decided to dive in head first!