In just three short days, we reach the Week 29 milestone, and by all reports, my little peanut will make her debut in 9-10 weeks! It's been an emotional and draining couple of days here in Panama City, but everything with the pregnancy continues to go well!
During my visit, I had the opportunity to meet with my OBGYN, IVF doctor, and Surrogate, Margarita. I also met with a nurse from the Family Cord Blood Clinic to discuss my options for preserving the cord blood and/or stem cells. In addition, I had an appointment at the Canadian Embassy with the Consular and one of her staff...
Fortunately, the Canadian Embassy is literally right across the street from the hospital on the 11th floor of a large business tower. When I arrived at my appointment, I had to pass through a security station and metal detector. The station was manned by an armed guard, whom I had to gently nudge several times to wake him from his siesta at 8:30am!!!
I had just passed through screening and entered the embassy when the guard came in behind me to inspect and remove my personal belongings (I guess he was too sleepy to notice the backpack and bag of wrapped Christmas gifts I was carrying when I entered, neither of which were permitted beyond security)!!! So, out we go through security where he takes my cell phones, camera and other personal items. He didn't speak a word of English, so I just had to trust him. After collecting my passport and wallet, I was led to a small conference room where I finally met with the consular and her staff.
The team at the Embassy were relatively friendly, but somewhat reserved. I guess I was expecting a warmer welcome being amongst fellow Canadians so far from home, especially during the holidays. At times, I felt very alone and also like I knew more about the Canadian DNA testing and immigration procedures than they did. It is very complicated, but simply process that we must adhere to when the baby is born. And it is the most critical step in securing the baby's passport, which will ultimately allow us to leave Panama and return to the USA. Without these documents, we simply can't leave the country, so you can appreciate the anxiety associated with all of this.
Throughout the meeting I maintained my patience and composure which is great practice for the future. This entire journey has taught me great patience, which I believe will help make me an even better parent. But I can assure you that meeting with the Embassy wasn't easy. Canada has very strict laws pertaining to surrogacy and for a few brief minutes I felt like I was being judged, rather than supported by my own country. That might just be my emotions getting the most of me, but my doctors later commented that the US Embassy is much more open to supporting its citizens and the hospital in such cases (GO FIGURE)!
Once the baby is born, the Consular team will attend and witness DNA testing of the baby and I to validate paternity. Once the test has been administered at the hospital, it will be shipped to a lab in Canada for processing and validation. The testing process is complex and must be followed exactly as described to ensure validity and non-tampering. If any part of the test in not completed properly, the results will be deemed inconclusive and we'll be back to the drawing board. The tests are expensive as are the FedEx shipping charges to Canada (nearly $1K combined), so I hope and pray we get it right the first time. Once the results are validated by the lab in Canada (within 5 business days), the Embassy and CIC (Citizenship and Immigration Canada) will be notified. This will trigger the next step in completing citizenship and obtaining the baby's passport. If all goes smoothly, the entire process should take anywhere from 4-5 weeks. Again, we can't leave Panama until all documents are approved and in my hands. Feel free to say a prayer for us when the time comes!
Following my meeting at the embassy, I made my way across the street to the hospital for my meeting with my doctors and Margarita scheduled for 10am. I was a nervous mess, dripping with perspiration from head to toe. I don't know if it was nerves, or the 35 degree temperature and 100% humidity, but I was drenched. The hospital itself, is a beautiful, modern and very clean facility. Many of the staff did not speak English, but fortunately, all of my doctors do, as one is American and the other was educated in California.
The clinic is located on the 6th floor. After a quick trip to the men's room to clean up and cool down, I was on my way with my tummy in a rapid flutter. When I arrived at reception and announced that I was there to see my doctor, Sindy and Dr. Vega, the team behind the desk looked confused. Finally one of the nurses announced: "No, Sénior....Dr. Vega tiene una emergencia"! My Spanish isn't good, but I knew this was a bad sign. My heart sank. It's amazing how panic and nervous thoughts quickly settle in. Here I had flown over 5,000 miles and my doctors weren't available, and no one could really explain what was happening, or if and when I would be seen. Surely this was all just a bad dream. Finally, one of the nurses led me to the waiting area, where she gestured for me to sit, and in broken English said "coffee"? I declined the coffee and sat patiently for 50 minutes and watched Nemo and Dory "just keep swimming" in the reception fish tank. During that time, several pregnant women entered and left the waiting room...one in particular caught my eye.
Eventually one of the nurses came out with a mobile phone announcing Sindy wanted to speak with me. Sindy explained that Dr. Vega had an emergency delivery and things would be delayed until noon. She instructed the nurses to inform me, but I guess the message was lost in translation. Sindy was actually on Christmas vacation but had planned to come into the clinic for my appointment and explained she would see me later. In any event, I was instructed to go meet with the Family Cord Blood clinic on the 1st floor and return to Dr. Vega's office at 12pm for my meeting with Sindy, Dr. Vega and Margarita.
The meeting with Family Cord Blood clinic was informative but uneventful. We simply discussed the process, storage options, fees and contract terms. Next steps is to obtain a soft copy of the English contract and make a go/no-go decision. I've learned a ton about Cord Blood and Cord Tissue Stem Cell cryropreservation, but have yet to make a final decision on next steps. At this stage, I am learning towards saving the Cord Blood, but have another 9-10 weeks to make a decision. The meeting was short, but only because I had all the information I needed. It was now only 11:15am and with another 45 minutes to kill, I decided to go across the street to the MulitPlaza Mall. WOW is all I can say! If you're an avid shopper and ever come to Panama City, it is a must see, but don't forget your Visa as the shops start with Cartier, Louis Vuitton and the list goes on from there. "Rags to Riches" is the best way to describe Panama City. One minute people are pulling up to the shopping mall valet in their BMWs or Mercedes SUVs, while just 3 blocks away there is a small shanty town where people simply tell you "stay away from that area". I've never seen such disparity. Really makes me appreciate and be thankful for all I have in life.
I arrived back at the clinic promptly at 11:55am (if you know me, you know I am NEVER late) and sat patiently waiting for everyone to arrive. The waiting room was empty except for the same pregnant lady who had been sitting there since just a few minutes after 10am. My mind was racing...could this be Margarita? Remember, up until this time, I've only seen my egg donor, but never images of my surrogate...just a description that included her ethnicity, age, height, weight, and other confidential information, etc.. This beautiful woman sitting next to me fit the description perfectly, including the size of her beautiful 28 week belly. I was instantly overcome with emotion, but what could/should I do? There had yet to be a formal introduction and I knew she didn't speak English, but how could I be 100% certain it was her? My instinct told me it was Margarita and it turns out I was right! She was reluctant to make eye contact with me but I just sat there in a daze, starring at her and the amazing miracle inside of her. I'm sure she was nervous and I was afraid my stares might make her feel uncomfortable as I unsuccessfully fought back tears. Suddenly everything seemed so real and within reach.
Eventually I had to get up and go to the men's room...time to pull myself together. When I came back 10 minutes later, Margarita was still there and gestured a smile at me. I believe she knew who I was. Another hour passed and more couples came and left, but I was still transfixed on this amazing women sitting so close to me, yet so far away for the past 7 months. At 1pm I asked the nurse for an update. She simply replied "soon". Once again, Margarita and I were alone. I was building the courage to try and communicate with her, but was this outside of protocol? Of course it wasn't, but I struggled over what to do. Eventually, we both sighed for the hundredth time and I simply looked at her, tapped my watch and said "I'm sorry you've had to wait so long". She smiled again and simply said "Gracias". And while she couldn't understand me, I asked her through English and hand gestures if she was hungry, to which she responded "Si". I know this seems trivial, but we were breaking the ice and I was beginning to feel more at ease with her...and hoped she felt the same. I offered to get her something to eat, but unfortunately translation ended there.
Another hour came and went. It is now 2pm and after 4 hours of waiting, Sindy finally arrived as did Dr. Vega. Sindy and I left the waiting room and went to her office where she apologized for the delay. We discussed some personal business, the outcome of my meeting with the Embassy, next steps with respect to the c-section/delivery, post-natal care and finally the process/protocol for today's appointment. She also confirmed my earlier suspicions...the woman sitting next to me for the past few hours was indeed my surrogate, Margarita!
Physically, Margarita was exactly as I expected. She is 34 years old, Panamanian, with long brown hair that she wore in a ponytail. She stands approximately 5'7" and weighs approximately 130 lbs. She is very petite, with light olive skin and beautiful brown features. Her skin was glowing and untouched by make-up or cosmetics of any kind. Her belly wasn't huge but appeared perfectly round supported in her lap with her hands. She appeared very calm, gentle and relaxed.
After a short meeting with Sindy, she led me into Dr. Vega's office where we chatted for a few minutes. Adjacent to Dr. Vega's office was the exam room where Margarita had been taken by one of the nurses. Dr. Vega eventually emerged from the exam room into his office where Sindy conducted formal introductions. Dr. Vega was very professional, caring and welcoming. His English was excellent and he took the time to ask how I was doing and if I was enjoying my first trip to Panama. He explained that both Margarita and the baby are doing fine and then asked if I wanted to meet my little girl? YES!!! I was shaking!
Dr. Vega and Sindy led me into the exam room. It was dark, but very sterile and full of the most modern medical technology I'd ever seen. Margarita was calmly lying on the exam table with her belly exposed and the nurse by her side. Sindy translated and did formal introductions. Margarita smiled as I thanked her repeatedly for all she was doing. I can only imagine how awkward it might have been for her, lying there on the table while Sindy, Dr. Vega and I conversed in English. Both Dr. Vega and Sindy were excellent translating back and forth as Dr. Vega explained the results of the 4D ultrasound. After the nurse prepped Margarita's belly with jelly, we were ready to proceed. Magical is all I can say to describe the feeling in the room. Dr. Vega was very thorough explaining the details of exactly what we was doing in terms of measurements, tests and reading the results. He also took the time to chart every result for me so we could compare the baby against the normal scale. Net result, the baby is perfectly normal and at 28 weeks she now weighs 2lbs 8oz.
Dr. Vega announced it was now time to listen to her heart. Without a doubt, this was the most beautiful and amazing moment of my life. I listened intently while starring at Margarita and her reassuring smile. As tears filled my eyes, she grabbed my hand and placed it on her belly. She said "bebé patea", I had no clue what this meant, but I didn't need too...at that moment I felt the most rambunctious series of kicks ever. As the tears streamed down my face, the only thing I could do was squeeze her hand and repeat "Gracias". I know I was able to convey just how thankful I was. I was very touched by the comfort and support of everyone in the room.
When the exam was over, we all went back to Dr. Vega's office where I handed out Christmas gifts to Sindy, Dr. Vega and Margarita. Everyone seemed very appreciative of the gesture and thanked me. Margarita spoke to Sindy, who turned to me and said, "Margarita asked if it would be okay if she gave you a hug"? I stood there in shock, but so very touched and simply repeated, "yes, yes, yes"! Margarita gave me the greatest and most comforting hug ever. After a gentle kiss on the cheek and another thank you, we were all on our way. I hated to leave, but felt great comfort in the fact that for the first time in 7 months, I had the physical contact I needed with everyone here in Panama and the reassurance that my little girl is getting the best care ever.
I'm missing home, but feeling truly blessed. As always, thanks to everyone for your love, encouragement and support.
Feliz Navidad,
Rob xo
PS - Here she is. I'm convinced she's puckering up for a kiss!!!
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